Shatter
by tahitiliz
Summary: Both have faced unimaginable tragedy. Both have built up barriers. Both must shatter them if there is any hope of living again. A collection of one-shots featuring Chris and Mary.
1. Bear Thorough Witness

**Greetings from tahitiliz!**

**A/N:** As my first chapter story, I tried to capture and develop snippets of Chris and Mary's interaction throughout the series in a collection of one shots. I'm following the episodes' order with the intent of writing an "epilogue" chapter at the end. I hope you enjoy it and please leave me a review!

The title of this story was inspired by Rumi's quote, **"Y_our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it_."** Both Chris and Mary have incredible tragedy and challenges in their past that have caused them to build up barriers. I hope the way in which those barriers become shattered are illustrated here.

The following takes place during the episode _Witness_.

**Disclaimer****: No profit is being made from this story and the characters are not mine.**

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><p>Nothing made sense. Nothing was real. Nothing mattered. Not until her son was back in her arms.<p>

Hellish desolation came over her again. It didn't seem possible. She went to bed and he was right there next to her. She could touch him he was so close. How was it that she woke up and he was gone?

Pacing relentlessly was the only thing Mary could do to ignore her feelings of powerlessness. She created a steady, heavy stream of steps back and forth, focusing on nothing but her actions and taking little notice to the way the sun rose from dawn until sheets of mid-morning sunlight came through _The Clarion_'s window.

Despite Mary's health her body finally lost its adrenaline peak and she slowed down to catch her breath, stopping a few feet away from her front door. Just as she began to lean over and breathe heavily, the emotional sorrow caught up with her again and she began to sob uncontrollably. She clutched both her sides desperately, unable to keep the rolling heaves of cries from overtaking her completely. She almost toppled over in her delirious grief but the sound of her door rushing open was enough for Mary to regain balance and stand back up.

Chris Larabee's black duster floated at his heels and black boots clicked hard on the wooden floor as he entered _The Clarion_. He abruptly threw his gaze around the room and upon seeing Mary began to cross the short distance between them. Startled and suddenly concerned with modesty, Mary looked down at herself, certain she was still dressed in her nightgown. She was surprised that she wore a purple calico dress, buttoned up for full decency – and then remembered she had changed after Vin convinced her to return home from running around the town that morning. He had insisted he would rouse the rest of the Seven to look for her son, as long as she went home to wait for him.

Mary looked back up to Chris, breaking her recollection. Her hands trembled as she ran them lightly over her stomach and realized she had no idea what happened between coming home and now. She was completely out of sorts.

"Mary." Chris' voice brought her back to the present as he came to her.

She felt her cheeks ablaze and fresh tears glide down from her eyes. The desperation kneading her soul reminded her of the day of Stephen's death. She'd remembered she never wanted to feel that way again, yet here she was, nearly a year later. _If Billy's gone too_… a clenching fear ghosted across her mind and she began to cry with more intensity.

She suddenly sobbed uncharacteristically. He reached her in seconds. She clutched his arm as soon as he came within reach.

"Oh God, Chris, Billy -!" and couldn't say any more. He took hold of her upper arms, his grip neither gentle nor firm. She sucked in two breaths but found her lung capacity was three times smaller from her panic. Yet Chris was patient. Mary took a few more moments and finally regained her senses.

"Did you find anything?" She gasped again for air. Chris felt a chill in his body and looked away.

"No. We didn't find anything." He glanced back at her expression and felt a keen tightness upon seeing the despair in her eyes. They'd searched all morning, ever since Vin stomped into his hotel room just after the sun rose. But they'd found nothing. Billy had just taken off. Chris wondered if he had taken the young boy aside like Mary had asked, maybe the little kid wouldn't be gone. She didn't deserve this pain, it was completely unnecessary. Setting his mouth in a thin line, Chris made up his mind. He needed to fix things.

"We're heading out soon, Mary. We'll comb this country through and through. We'll find him, I swear."

Mary would have spit in the face of any other man who said those words, who expected her to have blind faith in him. But she learned to trust the one standing before her unreservedly, even if all other logic said to disbelieve him. Her son may be missing but if anyone was to bring him back, Mary felt it was Chris.

Looking away briefly, Mary ran a hand over her face before she returned her stare to him. "Please Chris. He's all I have left." Her voice threatened to crack but she kept it in place even though she felt that trying not to cry in front of the gunslinger was like trying to swim in a storm at sea. It was nearly impossible. Chris had always had a comforting influence over her but Mary questioned today if that influence was too consoling for propriety's sake. She could not allow herself to lose control again.

She released her other hand from his arm and turned back to her desk to tend to some imaginary chore. She knew he would see right through the façade, he would know it was impossible for her to do any work or concentrate on anything besides the fact that her son was missing. But Mary needed the lie of normalcy, even just for a moment. She needed to grasp to a sense of sanity for a brief time because she felt like she was anything but sane that morning.

Chris watched her for no more than six seconds, reliving briefly the unadulterated torture of losing a child. He knew Mary was living in the lowest circle of hell at that moment and if there was anything he could do to bring her out of that he wouldn't stop until he did. His mouth formed a thin line again, his stare became hardened and he walked out the door with a sudden directness.

Just after the door clicked shut, Mary realized she was unable to pace any longer. She was unable to think or see anything but Billy's face. It was less than four minutes after Chris left that she ran to her back apartment, grabbed a bag and began to stuff necessary items in it: Stephen's old revolver, food, money for ransom. She slung on a heavy brown coat and hurried out _The Clarion_'s door. The seven men were just outside her office, saddling up. Mary stepped to her horse without thinking, slinging her bag over her horse and preparing to ride. But a firm grip on her waist halted her. She turned to see a familiar face.

"You'd better stay." Chris' urgent and concerned voice hovered.

"But I want to help." She said as confidently as possible, though she didn't feel anything but weak.

"What if he comes back?" Chris pressed urgently.

"I don't know." She sighed wearily, looking around the street. "Maybe you're right."

"Yeah. Yeah I am." She looked at him, anxiety dancing on her features and his eyes steadfast on hers.

Nathan ran up to them, reporting that he had no luck in searching around town. Tired of hearing all the dead ends, Mary headed back toward the boardwalk, feeling no less distressed than when she first found Billy missing. As the men mounted their horses and began to split up, Mary prayed to God to bring her son back. She'd lost track of how many times she'd repeated that prayer in the last six hours.

"Mary?" Chris said her name from on top of his horse. She retracted from her musings and looked at him again. "We'll find him." She nodded numbly, watching Chris and Vin ride off.

As she watched Chris' retreating figure, Mary instantly recognized her own needs in the midst of the chaos of her missing child – she needed someone to comfort her, to let her cry. To reassure her everything would be all right in the end.

So far Chris had come as close as social decorum allowed in doing all those things.

She didn't want him to go, felt a need for his presence to comfort her, but needed him to find Billy more. Mary chided herself for the feelings coursing through her as she watched him. Her son was missing and she felt selfish to acknowledge any other emotions other than despair at Billy's absence.

All she could do was look away, wondering if it was possible her torrential despair had churned up feelings for Chris that wouldn't normally be there. But Mary undoubtedly knew one thing – she wanted both Chris and Billy to return, together.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! I hope to post chapter two within a week. I would love it if you left me feedback- I need to improve my writing all I can before I take the GRE!<br>**


	2. Healing

**Thank you to Chlollierockz for reviewing Bear Thorough Witness! I couldn't stay away from using _Witness_ as inspiration and so the following takes place at the end of that episode. **

**Disclaimer****: No profit is being made from this story and the characters are not mine.**

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><p>"Billy!"<p>

Mary ran through the thick of night to her son, lungs burning from exertion. When she reached him she nearly fell to the ground and bound her arms around his tiny body with no intention of letting go.

"It's all right, sweetheart. You're safe now. It's alright, Billy."

Unlike Mary, who was blurry eyed with emotion, Billy did not wet any tears on her shoulders. Like Mary, Billy felt a wave of exhausting relief that their ordeal was finally over. The culprits were taken care of. Although it seemed impossible, they were finally safe.

After a few short moments in his mother's embrace, Billy turned and got up. He walked a few steps forward, looking on Mr. Wheeler's accomplice who was still on the ground. The young boy slowly raised an accusing, determined finger to the man's face.

"He killed my father." He said in a cold and unforgiving tone, even for a boy of six. The man stared up at Billy, eyes gleaming with ripe hatred. Billy held his accusatory gaze.

"It's over, Billy. He'll pay for what he did." Mary heard Chris' strained voice next to her, reaching out to her son. The boy lowered his hand but did not move until Buck arrived and took the man away.

As Billy watched the men go, Mary regained her vision through her tears and looked over at Chris to thank him for helping her. He had risked his life to help Billy face the demons inside him so that he might finally heal. Mary knew she would never be able to sufficiently repay the gunslinger for that gift. She wiped her moist eyes with the back of her hand. Disheveled was hardly the way she wanted to present herself, most of all to Chris. Yet her appearance was the last thing on her mind when turned to see Nathan kneeling beside him.

"Oh my God." She breathed in horror as she realized he was wounded. "You were shot." The sentence was more like a confirmation of her disbelief. Before Chris could reply, a tearful voice rose.

"Are you gonna die?" Mary turned to see Billy a few feet from Chris. His innocent eyes shimmered in the moonlight at the sight of his hero on the ground, clutching his bleeding arm.

"Naw, Billy. I ain't beat yet." Chris offered Billy a small smile and a wink, even as he grimaced as Nathan carefully checked the bullet wound in his arm. The healer's brow furrowed deeper and he shook his head lightly.

"Chris, we gotta get this bullet out. The sooner this thing is out the sooner you'll be usin' this arm again. I don't like chancing it and waiting till we get back to town." The former slave released a deep breath and turned to Mary as he shifted his weight to stand on his knees. "Miz Travis, you mind if I use that old homestead to do some quick fixin'?"

Marry nodded her head fervently. "Yes, whatever you need."

Nathan gave a tight nod. "Will you get my bag from my saddle?"

"Of course."

Mary's gaze lingered on Billy, still entranced with Chris, before she stood. Reassuring herself he was out of danger, especially with the seven gunfighters in the area, she continued with her task. As she walked to Nathan's horse, she finally noticed the five other men rounding up the three perpetrators. Vin and Josiah each led a henchman to their horses. Both criminals' hands were tied up with some thick rope to ensure their captivity. Buck already had Wheeler's accomplice on his saddled horse and was patiently waiting for the others to transport them back to town. Upon seeing the coldhearted man alive, a chill sped through Mary's body.

She suddenly wanted to be back with her son.

Mary hastened to the homestead and entered the main front room which was lit by some leftover candles. A small table remained but not much else. The place looked as barren as the day she moved to town. Nathan stood by the window as he rolled his sleeves up in preparation for work. Chris sat on the table on the other end of the room, tapping his feet impatiently on the floor as he examined his injured arm. Billy sat against the opposite wall, his eyes silently fixed on Chris in a worried stare.

"Nathan," Mary announced herself as she walked in, "I have your bag. Where do you need me to set it?"

Nathan whirled his head around. "Just set it next to Chris Miz Travis, thank you."

Mary approached the table, the scattered candles casting her figure against the wall in a soft glow. She noticed Chris had forgotten about his arm in lieu of her approaching form. Despite her silent urges to herself to avoid his eyes, they drifted up from the floor to his. And what she saw sent a thrill through her. He was staring at her with a mixture of unexpected warmth and curiosity. By the time she reached the table their gazes were intertwined and she could have sworn Chris' mouth was beginning to turn upwards.

"Mary?" Nathan's voice broke Mary from _whatever_ was passing between her and the man in black. Her shoes scraped on the dirty wooden floor as she turned to the sound of the healer's voice. "Where can I get some water for my hands?"

"There should be a bucket still in the barn. And there's a pump out the back door. I'll go get some for you."

"Would you mind staying here and unpacking my bag?" Nathan's voice halted her. "I need to talk to Vin anyway. I'll be right back." She nodded.

Nathan walked toward Billy on his way to the door. "Hey Billy, you mind coming and helping me find that pump?" He kneeled over to get to the boy's eye level. "I shor' could use somebody as smart as you." Billy smiled at the compliment, apparently forgetting his worry over Chris for the opportunity of an important job. "Yeah Nathan, I can show you where to find all that stuff." He jumped up and headed out the door, followed by the healer.

Smiling, Mary turned back to the table. She caught Chris' eyes and became keenly aware of their isolation from the rest of the group. As she looked on, Mary realized the same feelings that arose outside _The Clarion_ that morning were creeping back into her mind. She suddenly felt naked in his presence and a finger of desire melted into her body.

"You alright, Mary?" A small crease was now in Chris' forehead as he regarded her. Her body flashed hot and then went cold.

"Yes, absolutely." She rubbed the back of her hand on her forehead and began to sift through Nathan's bag, pulling out the appropriate utensils. "Forgive me, it's been a long day." Chris' forehead softened.

"Yeah it has. You think Billy is okay?"

She sighed. "I can't tell. He seems to be getting by, but…" She trailed off, thinking about the last hour. "I'm worried all this will just keep the memories of Stephen's death fresh in his mind." She looked at him directly in the eyes. "I know he's worried about you, Chris. He looks up to you." Chris shrugged his shoulder and she lowered her head again.

"If it weren't for him, I'd probably be dead." Mary could feel Chris' stare on her as she pretended to concentrate on the medical bag. "He's a good kid, Mary." He paused then added, "I'm sorry I didn't talk to him earlier. We could have avoided all this."

"Don't blame yourself." She said, looking back up at him. "You don't know how it could have turned out. It might have been worse." She tucked a stray golden tendril behind her ear. "Thank you for finding him and bringing him here. There's no way I can repay you for that, but if there's anything I can do for you please let me know."

Chris looked to the floor, thinking for a minute. He smirked. "There is something." Mary eagerly awaited his next sentence. "I'd like to take Billy out fishing sometime before he leaves."

Mary frowned. "That hardly seems like proper repayment, Chris."

"It's more than enough. You know you don't owe me anything." The sincerity in his voice touched Mary.

She eyed his wound. "Just let me know when you're up to it, with that arm." Chris chuckled and Mary mirrored his smile. She began to organize the rest of Nathan's tools on the table. Crickets chirped just outside the walls.

"Mary?" Chris' solemn voice startled her from her task and made her look back up at him. "Are you alright?"

Mary could have easily passed off an answer in the affirmative, as she would have anyone else. But she knew the man standing before her was a different case. She felt a strange ease at being completely open and honest with him, something she rarely allowed herself to be with others.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I just need some time for all this to catch up to me. I haven't had a chance to really think about it." A sudden clench overcame her chest, making her voice tighten. "I'm sorry you saw me this morning when I was in shambles." She said honestly. "I wasn't able to control myself."

Chris kneaded his forehead. "I would have been worried if you hadn't been like that." He openly looked into her eyes, "I don't want you to pretend with me."

"Well I wasn't this morning." She laughed without humor. "Thank God you and the others were there to help." Chris' stare stayed on her face but he didn't say anything right away. The intensity in his countenance began to disquiet her and she wondered what exactly was going on in his mind.

"Mary, if you or Billy ever need anything you let me know alright?" She didn't know what to say.

"Chris we're fine."

"It doesn't matter." He waited for her reply.

"Of course I will." She responded, noting the odd turn in their conversation. As she looked at Chris, she felt those feelings from earlier stir up again like flames in a fire. He was protecting her and Billy. In fact, he was going out of his way to do so – a blind man could see that.

In some ways Mary felt it was wrong to rely so much on a man who was not her husband. In other ways, Mary was delighted that he would do anything for her and her son. But she wasn't ready to acknowledge those feelings completely and let them stay as quiet utterances in the back of her mind. She continued to ready Nathan's tools as the moments slipped between the two. They fell back into friendly conversation, talking about the town, the seven men and anything else. Soon Nathan and Billy returned, and Mary and Billy stepped outside to give Chris privacy.

As Mary sat on the porch with her son in her arms, she regarded the stars in a different way that night. She was thankful for her child and reaffirmed her commitment to do anything for his safety. But as Billy drifted to sleep in her arms and the low voices from inside the homestead drifted to her ears, Mary also said silent thanks for one particular gunslinger that had come into her life.

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><p><strong>Please Review!<br>**


	3. The Actions of One Man

**Greetings from tahitiliz!**

**This chapter was inspired by the events of Manhunt. I always loved the scene where Chris comforts Mary and so I tried to develop it a little more. I hope you like it, and please leave me a review! As always, constructive criticism is especially appreciated. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer****: No profit is being made from this story.**

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><p>She was distressed - it was clear from the crease marks lining her face as she closed the door to <em>The Clarion<em>'s office.

For months she had been putting editorials in her paper regarding the unfair and abusive treatment of the Native Americans across the continent. She wrote every detail about unspeakable atrocities done to them. No matter how different they might be, she argued, the Indians were human and deserved nothing less than Christian compassion.

But now Claire Mosley was gone – again – and the whole town seemed to want Chanu's head. Kidnapping her once was enough to set an angry mob after him, kidnapping her twice was certain to incite a bloodthirsty manhunt.

Mary turned on her heel and set off in the direction of the jail, intent on asking Ezra and Buck if there was any news on Vin and Nathan's tracking progress. As she walked down the boardwalk, she ran over editorial ideas in her head to soothe the outraged town. She needed something to redeem Chanu's people or life would be immeasurably worse for them.

_All because the actions of one man_, she thought miserably.

Mary's intense concentration shielded her from the sudden change in atmosphere on the streets of Four Corners. She didn't see the townspeople gaping at something in the street until she came out of her introspection and realized no one was moving. Mothers clutched their children's hands but remained frozen. Merchants stood outside of their stores, hands at their sides. All were looking into the street, their expressions a far cry from the lovely sunny day smiling on Four Corners. It wasn't until she came out of her worried haze that she took note of the townspeople. Fear boiled in her stomach with ideas of what could cause such a change. Mary pulled her gaze from the spectators and laid it in the street.

She would later swear she stopped breathing.

There were no words to describe the ominous sight she saw. Reverend Mosely processed into the town, head held low and lips pulled into a grim countenance. There was a telling sack slung over his horse. As if in a spell, Mary stepped into the dusty road for a better view, eyes never leaving the terrible sight before her. Reverend Mosely led his horse to the undertaker's shop just in time for his son to rush to his father's side, tearfully calling his sister's name.

Mary felt insensitive by staring but couldn't turn from the tragic scene. Although her black dress covered her body well, she felt cold and hallow. The raw heartbreak brought tears to her eyes as she realized the young woman's life was just cut short. The sadness in the Reverend's expression made Mary ache miserably for Billy. At that moment the miles between herself and her son never seemed longer. She crossed her arms over chest, trying to soothe herself but feeling desperately alone.

Yet as she stood in the street fighting for composure, a calming figure quietly came next to her. Before Mary knew quite what was happening, Chris Larabee slipped a comforting arm around her body. Strangely recognizing his silent presence, she folded into him and rested her head against his right shoulder. A quiet sob unclenched itself from her chest.

Never in her wildest dreams did Mary expect herself to be standing in the middle of the street feeling Chris' arms around her. It was completely unreal and despite the tragedy of the situation she was thankful for his attention. It was what she needed.

"Mary," his low voice hummed in her ear, "Let's get you home."

At hearing his voice she put a hand on her chest, just below her neck. Mary knew she needed to regain control of her emotions quickly. It wasn't appropriate for her to be crying in the street. _Doesn't he know that?_

As she tried to calm down enough to find her voice, she watched on as the Reverend pulled his daughter's body from the horse and brought it into the undertaker's. Everyone who looked on held an expression of shock. No one believed it would come to this. As a new wave of emotion cascaded through her, Mary ripped her eyes away and moved from Chris briefly. She dipped her head toward the ground, willing herself to regain self-control. She didn't like falling into the stereotypical woman role – fragile, needy and overflowing with tears. At that instant, the last person she wanted to see her uninhibited emotions was Chris.

But within moments, he was next to her again, both hands on her crossed arms.

"Mary," he ventured gently.

Slowly, she raised her head and looked at him through blurred vision. Instead of the hardened expression she saw so often, Chris' face was genuinely tender. Saying nothing, he put his hand on her back, gently guiding her back to _The Clarion_. The dust of the street curled around them and she vaguely noticed life began to resume. The people on the boardwalk were slowly moving on with their business, as if in disbelief. Mary herself felt like every step was a struggle but relied on Chris' strength and confidence. When they reached her office, she clutched the doorknob like a lifeline and opened it. She heard his black boots on her wooden floor as he stepped inside with her.

She found her way to her desk chair, still feeling numb and out of touch with her body. She groped the back of the chair for support as she looked around the room, hoping her workspace would compel her to normalcy.

Chris approached her cautiously, perhaps realizing just now it was only the two of them, but her words halted his step. "Thank you, I'll just get back to work now."

"Mary, there's no way you can work right now."

She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. "I have so much to do. I need to get started on my next editorial if there's any hope for the Indians, I need to print some more classified ads for the next issue and that article about the railroad just can't wait…" Her voice cracked as her emotional anxiety returned and she succumbed to the same distress she had shown in the street. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and Mary raised her hands to wipe them away.

Chris closed the distance between them immediately after that.

"You don't rest now it'll be worse later." Much like the time in Wickes town, he brought his arm around her torso to support her.

"Maybe you're right." Her voice wavered and she heaved a sigh, sinking deeper into his grip. Her eyes closed. Moments passed between them and Mary slipped into a pleasant haze, enjoying his nearness. But the silence was finally broken.

"You can barely stand on your own feet." His words made no attempt to conceal his concern for her.

"I know." She straightened but made did not leave his embrace. Silence reigned again. Gently, she felt his arms move to hold her with one as he began rubbing her back with the other. Rather than seem imposing the act seemed natural between the two of them.

"You promise once I leave you'll rest?" His voice was low, reminding her of ribbons of velvet.

"Yes." She took a deep breath, recognizing the fluttering in her stomach in response to his baritone. "I could use a good nap."

"Good."He untangled his limbs from hers and started toward the door, not sparing a glimpse to her until he stopped in his tracks. "Mary?" He turned.

She held her breath.

"I'm sorry about Claire Mosley." He scrunched his face. "I didn't know her but I know you two had struck up a friendship."

Mary glanced to the floor and crossed her arms around her body. "Thank you, she will certainly be missed." She felt an uncomfortable vulnerability in her misery and began to turn away again, shielding Chris from her outward expression of emotion and trying to rebuild the shell of their comfortable, conventional relationship.

Yet Chris completed that in the next sentence he uttered. "You know where to find me," he replied gruffly, and walked out the door in three steps.

The abrupt departure shook off her exhaustion. Mary quickly walked to the window of _The Clarion _and watched Chris stride off. As she watched his retreating form, Mary questioned if the newfound anxiety quivering through her body was due to the rumblings in her lower stomach from the gunslinger or the emotional toll of the day.

Returning to her chair, Mary straightened some papers on the desk and meditated on the afternoon. Quickly deciding work was impossible, she took to her bed in the back apartment. Yet before she fell into a sound sleep her thoughts were restored to a man in black and the divine feeling of being next to his body, for as brief a time as it was.

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><p><strong>Please Review!<br>**


	4. Lawless Attraction

**Greetings from tahitiliz!**

**Thank you to all who have read my story. The following chapter takes place during **_**The New Law**_**, one of my favorite episodes from the series. So get out your favorite bevy, kick back and happy reading!**

**Disclaimer****: No profit is being made from this story and I do not own the characters.**

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><p>They stepped into a tiny alleyway just off the dirt-packed street, between what looked like a cantina and a house of ill-repute. He led the way, quickly ducking under colorful, fluttering strands of clothes and past collapsed desperados who had stumbled off the main road from enjoying too many libations.<p>

Two buildings deep from their entryway, they reached a collection of dilapidated buildings. He approached a weathered wooden door on the first floor of one shanty and began to undo the shoddy lock that barely deterred prowling thieves. She looked around. It was certainly quieter in this part of town but no less hot. She could still feel puffs of heat rising from the ground and wavering upwards past her chin. Moving away from him and the door, she tied her horse to the hitching post closest to the shanty.

"I'll wait outside." She turned her back away from him, not wanting to impede on his privacy.

"Like hell you are." He wiped his dusty hands on his black pants and motioned her in.

In truth, she didn't want to stay out there alone anyway. Yet she tilted her head up as she stepped inside, just to signal to him if she really didn't want to be there she wouldn't be. They entered the one room shack that contained nothing but a bed, table and a bowl filled with water. A small window offered little light but it was just enough that a candle was not necessary. She could smell a light musky odor but dismissed it as plant smells before she could think of much more unsavory sources.

"Where's Billy?"

Chris plucked his saddlebags from the dusty floor, set them on the bed and immediately began collecting his clothes and personal items.

"I sent him out of town with Mrs. Potter yesterday." If the situation had been different she might have felt self-conscious about being alone with him in his quarters.

"You said how many men?"

"I can't be sure, it seems like there's a gang of them. At least twenty." She heard him mutter under his breath - probably a curse - as he ferociously picked up a shirt off the floor, nearly knocking over a nondescript stool in the process.

"Can I help you with anything?" She ventured, tilting her head to the side and eager to assuage his tension.

"No." His voice was rough as he finished his task and folded the final pant leg into the saddlebag. He buckled the straps.

"We gotta get my horse and get out of here." Impatience was implied in every syllable. He hurled one side of the saddlebags over his shoulder and crossed the tiny space in an instant, kicking the door open and giving her enough room to slip out as well. She went over to the hitching post and untied her reigns.

"Stable's this way." Chris stalked off further away from the main road without waiting for her. Mary furrowed her eyebrow in frustration at his mood, mounted her mare and followed him through the morning light.

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><p>It was still early in the day and already Mary was exhausted. Coming to Purgatorio to find Chris was one of the most nerve-wracking, courageous things she had done.<p>

_Or one of the most idiotic, s_he mused to herself, looking over at her riding companion. He was sullenly hunched over on his steed and hadn't said more than a sentence since they left town. When they rode through this time she didn't have to worry about the men calling after her, just their hungry stares. It was much better than the way she'd arrived. She wished she could say the company was more enjoyable but she doubted that notion more and more with every passing minute.

Judging by the way things were going, the next few hours were doomed to be miserable.

Within the first hour of leaving the town she became bored of listening to the clip-clopping of their horses' hooves. It was turning out to be a beautiful sunny day and it would be a waste to spend it in despondent silence. And so she made a futile attempt at conversation. "Did you find what you were looking for in Purgatorio?"

"No." His hardened expression did not change.

She looked to the cloudless blue sky and asked for some kind of patience with this man. He got so under her skin that it didn't matter what the problem was - if something was wrong between them she felt that she needed to set it right. Now as she looked at him she decided she wouldn't let up – her frustration was reaching its zenith and it sounded in her voice. "Chris, what's gotten into you?"

Mary had always seen their relationship as one built on honesty. She revealed things to Chris about herself and her life that she did not repeat to other people. She hoped he would grant her the same candor.

"What are you talking about?" He snapped with the same aggravation as was evident in Mary's voice.

"You've been angry with me since I came to Purgatorio." She stiffened. "If I had known you didn't want to be bothered with Four Corners I would have left you alone." When he said nothing, it only intensified her anger. She nudged her mare's flanks to speed up her pace.

"Go ahead and turn around, I'll take it from here."

She began to ride ahead of Chris before he urged his stallion to match her movement.

"I ain't angry with you." He said tensely.

"You're lying."

He shook his head at her stubbornness but conceded.

"Why didn't you go get Vin first? There was no reason for you to come down here all spit-and-vinegar. Do you know what could have happened to you if I hadn't pushed off those men?" He growled.

"I have a gun."

"A lot of good that would have done you against six of them."

"Fine. Maybe it was foolish. Maybe I should have Vin tracked down. But Chris, you're the easiest target. It doesn't matter if I could find all the rest of them. If Vin, Josiah, Nathan, JD or Ezra heard you were coming back to town they would all come back too. No questions asked, no persuasions necessary. It's just how it is." She swept back a section of golden hair that had pummeled loose from her hair clip. "The town needs you, Chris and neither hell nor high water would have kept me from that godforsaken place."

He paused, taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. She turned away from him, realizing her aim had hit its mark. The horses slowed down. She could almost hear him gritting his teeth as he digested what had just occurred.

"Mary," he began, "I'm sorry. A lot's been going on in the last few days and I guess it finally caught up to me." He pulled his black hat off to rub a hand through his hair.

She felt nearly apologetic. "I hope you're not regretting coming back already."

"No I'm not," he said earnestly, "I'm not." A moment passed and nothing needed to be said.

"It just didn't help that you rode in with a posse of feral men trailing after you." He gave her a small smile.

She chuckled. "I didn't plan it that way, believe me." She glanced at him. "Even a lady has her limits as to how many men she wants chasing after her."

Chris sobered. "Did you have any trouble in town, you or Billy?"

"No we were fine." She smiled. "I've got a gun, remember." He chuckled in response.

"So the Marshall's not doing well?"

"When I left he was wounded pretty badly. I hope he pulled through."

"Things change real fast around here."

"I guess they do." Mary nodded slightly in agreement. "People change too."

"Like who?"

"I had dinner with our fine Marshall last night and did some things I'm not exactly proud of."

Chris' expression darkened. Had Price coerced Mary into something she didn't really want to do? Truth be told, the idea of her our at dinner with any man was enough to set his soul on fire but if that man had done anything to hurt her…

"And what was that?"

"Well, the kind Marshall pointed out he thought that women should keep to themselves and the household. Apparently smoking, drinking and voting are all 'men's activities.' So I showed him what I thought of his policies."

"Oh really?" A slow smile crept to his lips.

She laughed coyly. "I may have taken a large swig of some kind of alcohol. Whiskey, to be specific."

"I've never seen you drink a day in my life and you took a _swig_ of whiskey?"

"Not one of my better moments. But he had it coming."

"I guess people do change, Mary Travis." He couldn't hide the grin on his face now. "I didn't know Marshall Price was such a flatterer."

"In his defense, he came on well. He just followed up poorly."His smile was gone although he tried to hide his uneasiness in a poorly formed mask of a smirk.

"Came on well?"

"Well, yes. He did ask me out to dinner quite slyly. I asked him for an interview for the paper and her turned it into a dinner outing." She shifted in the saddle and leaned forward as they began to ride up one grassy hill. "But when he told me he knew everything about me I started to feel uncomfortable."

"Everything about you like what?" Pretenses of cordial interest were gone. Now he was livid.

"About Stephen's death, Billy and me. He said he likes to know as much about a town as possible."

"What a convenient response." Chris replied sarcastically. _And it had nothing to do with Mary being an attractive widow, _he brooded."I think it's a good idea for you to avoid him once we get the town back together."

"_Avoid_ him?"

He gave her a look. "I don't trust him." He scratched his forehead and added, "I don't like the idea of him around Billy. Or you."

She laughed incredulously.

"He wouldn't try anything." Chris looked unconvinced. "Chris, I can take care of myself."

"He knows where you live, he knows you live alone, he knows everything about you. It doesn't seem right to me."

"He's harmless."

"Yeah he is. He couldn't scare off a bunch of rowdy cowboys." He bristled visibly and sputtered furiously.

Mary started. She had been so stupid. She glanced at Chris with his hat off, edgily running a hand through his hair and looking away from her. He sat in the saddle at a cockeyed angle, his body language betraying his true feelings.

He was jealous.

Chris had been dethroned as the head law in Four Corners. Of course he would have resentment towards Marshall Price. If Chris valued the town the way Mary suspected, this was a heavy blow to him. _Maybe he even dislikes the Marshall's attentions to me._ Her stomach leapt to her throat. Truthfully, she hoped Chris felt envious on her account. She had realized he was much closer to her heart than a friend, so close she could count the nights she fell asleep without thinking about him on one hand. She recognized if he was resentful, she should tread lightly.

"No he couldn't. He's not you." She paused. "He tried his best. But he's not you."

He inclined his head back in her direction. "Guess you're right. Can't blame a man for trying to make a difference." Sitting up in the saddle, he shifted his jaw thoughtfully. "I don't know how folks will take to us coming back. Seems like we left a sore spot."

"Billy will be happy you're coming back."

Chris looked as if he had been caught with his drawers down.

"He didn't believe you had left for good. He has a lot of faith in you." She ventured into unchartered territory. "I'm glad he has you to look up to. I worried about him, without Stephen."

"I'm not much of a role model, Mary. I hope Billy never knows of half the things I done."

"We all have our flaws, Chris. But you command so much good, I'm glad Billy has you to look up to." Her blue eyes glowed with fondness.

He chuckled. "I doubt you have flaws, Mary. I think most people believe you're heaven-sent."

She smiled graciously, the bright sun gleaming off her pearl teeth. "I think people don't see all of me, just the part I use to get my way in town."

"I don't know about that. You seem pretty perfect to me."

Thrown aback by the compliment, she looked down to her horse's trotting hooves and blushed. It was unusual for them to have a conversation like this and so she reveled in it when they did. They had been openly flirtatious with each other a few times before but Chris had never been as direct as the statement he just made. Despite the inobservance of social decorum she basked in the attention he was giving her. When she looked back up to his face, an odd display of affection was written on his steadfast gaze.

She desperately wanted to kiss him right now.

Keenly aware of her desires, Mary changed the subject to avoid the road not taken. She didn't want to make a mistake and damage the friendship they had carefully built. The two rode on for hours, alternating between pleasant conversation and comfortable silence. Once they reached Vin she stayed with his recaptured wagon so that the seven could reunite for the sake of the town. Of course all ended well and catastrophe was avoided.

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><p>Within a matter of twenty-four hours all was well with the world. Mary found herself back on the boardwalk, just outside <em>The Clarion<em>. She was sweeping up some broken glass as the town reconstructed itself around her. She paused, walking to the edge of the platform. She looked up and down the street, expecting the Judge's stage to come rumbling in at any moment. She hoped he would speak to the men about staying in town. Although as she watched the road Orin Travis was nowhere to be found, an approaching figure caught her attention.

He was dressed in a red shirt and black pants, coming closer with an upward quirk on his lips, gaze fixed on her. She wiped her hands on her broom and suddenly felt shy. What was it about him that made her act like this?

"Mary." He bowed his black hat in respect as he reached her. He stepped onto the boardwalk so that they were close enough to touch.

"Chris."

"Billy inside?" He peered into the open door of the newspaper office.

"No, he's still with Mrs. Potter. She had some cleaning that needed to be done so I sent him along to help."

"I'll have to come by another time then." He shifted his weight. "Mary, will you do me a favor?"

She straightened to show her attentiveness.

"I need someone to make arrangements for the Marshall's body. We got it over to the undertaker alright but don't know what to do with it now."

She nodded tightly. "Of course, I'll track down his family contacts." He held her gaze.

"You alright yourself?"

"I'm fine, just cleaning. I want to get the paper back up and running as soon as I can."

"Well don't tucker yourself out." She smiled.

"The Judge is coming soon. I hope you'll stay around long enough to see him."

"I don't have plans to leave just yet. People gotta get back on their feet first." She nodded.

"You need anything, just let me know."

"Thank you." She sighed, looking around as a weary look drew on her face. "But I'm fine."

"That look doesn't seem too convincing." Inwardly, she glowed at his concern.

"I'm just ready for something good to happen to this town. We've been fighting for so long to make something come about. It seems like we're getting nowhere." She rested her chin on the top of her broomstick.

He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Things take time, especially 'round here. You're doing your best. I've never seen someone fight as hard as you do every day." He gave her a playful smile. "The town's got you, Mary, that's half the battle. If anyone will make it happen it's gonna be you. You're doing everything you can."

She stood up as he made a move to depart. "I'll see you later. Just call if you need me."

"Thank you. I'll find you when the judge arrives." He tipped his hat again and walked off, leaving her in a trancelike aura, thinking back to his supportive and encouraging words.

_The town's got you, Mary. That's half the battle._ Her stomach dropped and her breath caught in her chest.

_And you've got me, Chris._

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><p><strong>Please review!<br>**


	5. The Long Ride

**Well, now that I finally have internet at my apartment again, I can post! This chapter is quite longer and a testament to my adoration of the episode **_**Wagon Train**_**. I've tried to pick it apart piece by piece, as to not miss anything. For reading's sake I've split it up into two chapters.  
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**Disclaimer****: I do not own the characters and no profit is being made from this story.**

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><p>The newly risen sun's rays streamed across the dry grass on the prairie as Chris rode up to the collection of wagons outside of town. He could faintly smell cooking bacon drifting through the cool air, a telling sign that the pioneers took advantage of their layover in Four Corners and had reacquainted themselves with the luxury of meat.<p>

He squinted his eyes as he came upon the outskirts of the wagon circle, noting one particular fire pit left of center and the three men sitting around it. Vin, always an early riser, had apparently taken the liberty of setting up a pot of coffee. Ezra and JD sat close by, each clearly mourning the earliness of the hour. Chris rode to the closest stationary wagon, dismounted and tied his reins to the vehicle. He approached his fellow lawmen on foot.

"Morning."

Only Vin gave a hearty "howdy." Ezra, slumped in a chair, head tilted back and black hat covering his face to shield his eyes, made no more than a muffled response. JD rubbed his red eyes and offered a half-smile.

"Morning, Chris."

"Vin, you seen Richmond yet?" Chris turned his attention to the man crouched next to the pit, stoking the flames. The sharpshooter stood up to address his friend, pulling his tan fringed coat down as he rose.

"Yeah, I saw him. Sounds like he wants to get going soon as possible. But I'd say give it the better part of an hour – folks are still eating and packing up for the long haul."

Chris nodded thoughtfully. "Alright, well we best be ready to go as soon as they are. Any sign of Josiah, Buck or Nathan?"

"Buck's on his way." JD interjected. "And I saw Josiah and Nathan talking to a couple folks over there." He pointed to the other side of the gathering.

Chris rested his hands on his belt. "Good. I'll try to find Richmond, make sure he doesn't need anything 'fore we get going." Vin nodded.

"I'll get you when we're ready to go." He stuck a piece of dried grass in his mouth. "For winning a big fight in court yesterday he shor' ain't showing it." Chris chuckled and tipped his hat to his friends, stepping away from them to find the wagon train's leader and rubbing his neck. Chris sighed.

He wasn't a fool – Dickey O'Shay was watching them, he was sure. O'Shay wasn't going to let the pioneers go without a fight. He was not the kind of man who would easily submit. It would be foolish to let their guard down at any time, especially since they were traveling with women and children. They would need to make sure they had emergency plans in place for everyone.

_Well_, he mused, _at least me and the boys are good friends with danger_. _This ain't the time for distractions._

"Good morning, Gerard." A voice as sweet as honey interrupted his thoughts. He noticed an approaching figure on horseback, as lovely as the heavenly blue skies that overlooked the prairie. She was dressed in pink, two shades that complimented her beautiful golden hair and luminous eyes. Chris stopped in his tracks.

_Mary?_

He scrunched his face as a dark haired man went to her, holding out his hands to help her dismount in a way that was far too personal for Chris' comfort. _What's going on?_

"Hey, Chris!" A small figure behind Mary jumped off the mare and catapulted himself at the man in black.

"Hey you, kid!" Chris caught the boy in mid jump and swung him around.

"We're going on the wagon train with you!" Billy's enthusiastic voice permeated the clear air. Chris' stomach dropped. He repositioned the young boy on his hip, turning to his mother. "That a fact?"

Mary looked on with pleasure from a short distance as the dark haired man gathered her saddlebags. "Well don't look so surprised Chris," her voice was laced with laughter, "There's no telling where a journalist's job will take him."

_Goddammit._

"You sure this is a good idea?"

"We'll be fine. After all, we have you along to protect us." Chris' alarm was soothed slightly with the alluring look she gave him. He barely noticed the man at her side looked uncomfortable with Mary's attentions.

"Mary," he said impatiently, "You going to introduce us?"

She broke her gaze from Chris' eyes, suddenly looking bashfully between the men. "Oh I'm sorry - Chris, this is my old friend Gerard." Chris shut his gaping mouth as Gerard offered a mumbled greeting. He returned one as such.

"Gerard and my late husband went to school together." She said simply.

"In fact, I proposed to Mary first. But Stephen had already won her heart." Mary laughed, looking all the more embarrassed.

"When Gerard wrote and told me that he and his daughter Katy were planning on making a new start I thought it would make a great story, so…"

"So Mary invited herself along."

"Oh _I_ invited?" She laughed lightheartedly.

"Ready to go." Vin's voice retracted Chris from the sight before him. He looked up at the mounted sharpshooter and gave a tight nod, bowing his hat to Mary and promptly leaving. It seemed too unpredictable – she decided at the last minute to join an old friend, a male friend nonetheless, and go on a wagon train? What was she thinking? This was hardly the way women did things.

_Most women_, he reminded himself. Mary made her own decisions. As much as it seemed out of place for her to join the wagon train, it made sense. She was an unconventional woman. So what did it matter that she was unmarried and riding with an unmarried man on the open trail? It was none of his business.

But as he stalked toward his horse, Chris couldn't help but wonder why Mary's voice had been so high pitched while they were talking. It was almost as if she was uncomfortable. _But then again_, he thought miserably, _maybe I'm just imagining things_…

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><p>Mary blew a sigh out as Chris walked away. Her heart raced wild in her chest. He always seemed to have that effect. In all honesty, she had hoped it would be different this time.<p>

"Ready to head out?" Gerard turned his head to her, shielding her from the bright morning sun and stealing her attention again.

"Of course." She planted a smile on her face and looked down at Billy.

"Wagon's this way." She accepted Gerard's arm, the four of them began a steady walk to his wagon. Billy and Katy ran ahead, squealing in anticipation. Upon reaching the wagon, Billy and Katy clamored in the front, excitedly sitting on the bench. Gerard checked his four horses one last time and climbed onto the wagon seat. He held a hand out for Mary and she mounted next to him, all the while maintaining grace and poise.

She settled on the hard wood block, adjusting her skirt and tossing her bonnet behind her. "I'd forgotten how tall these wagons are," she commented, looking over the edge of her seat. Gerard gave a smile and picked up the reins, waiting for the signal to move.

"Should be a good ride." He cleared his throat. "Better than the last leg, I hope."

Mary smiled. "I hope so too." She marveled at the day when the thoughts of the town darted into her mind. She immediately brushed them off, trying to focus on the present. After all, she came along to enjoy her time on the trail. That's what she should be doing. Enjoying her time. Enjoying Gerard. She drew her attention to the wagons ahead but as soon as she saw a familiar black figure atop a brown horse, her thoughts went astray again.

Mary swallowed, noticing the way he looked while capably commanding an entire wagon train, imposing his easy leadership. She recalled what the beat of his heart and the waves of his breath sounded like. She remembered the times he had comforted her and gone out of his way for Billy. But other emotions clouded her appraisal. Emotions that choked the warm sentiments churned up by physical attraction and nostalgia.

Mary shuffled in her seat, reaching for a strand of hair and worriedly stroking the ribbon of gold in her palm. She looked to Gerard, wearing a troubled smile as she admired his focused profile. "I look forward to spending this time with you." She hoped she sounded more convincing than she felt.

"Me too," he replied without looking at her. She spared one last glance at Chris but turned her head away with finality. It was over. She was done with Chris Larabee. She was done with him and this wagon train would prove it.

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><p>"We've got company."<p>

Chris looked up from the makeshift fire pit toward Nathan. They had been on the trail for more than a day without problems but his gut had been right – O'Shay wasn't giving up. He stood slowly, eyes trained on the approaching group of horsemen. Chris muttered a curse under his breath, emptied his coffee cup on the embers and strode to the front of the group. He could feel the other six men fanning out behind him in a defensive line. Richmond joined him at the front, undoubtedly to assert his leadership within the group. When Dickey O'Shay came into earshot, Chris wasted no time on pleasantries.

"What do you want?"

"I've come with a very generous offer for you fine people." O'Shay's Irish accent was friendly but Chris doubted there was anything but venomous intentions behind them.

"We're not interested in any offer." Richmond growled.

"Must be mighty special land." Vin commented.

"Ah, it's just got all forty shades of green. I get homesick something awful since I left Ireland."

"Then go back cause you ain't getting our land. We rode long and hard for it." Richmond stood firm.

"Is that right?"

"Now get out of here."

"Me Dah used to say you'd do well to mind your manners, lad. Make things go a might easier on ya."

"You and your 'Dah' can go straight to hell." Dickey sat up in his saddle, clearly affronted by the insult.

"Sounded like a no to me, Mr. O'Shay." Chris added. He watched one of O'Shay's men reach for his gun. "You gonna pull that piece or are you just restin' your hand on it?" Chris stepped forward, challenging the minion.

"Well, maybe something will happen to make you change your mind." O'Shay tipped his hat, slightly easing the tension reverberating around the group. "Be seeing you."

Once O'Shay retreated and the crowd dispersed, Vin came up behind Chris, still watching O'Shay ride away to make sure he was gone for now. "Hell, Chris. This is like a timber box in a burning house. Sooner or later it's going to get messy." He sighed. "Richmond's letting his pride get in the way. He's gonna make everyone pay for it. He shook his head. "He should at least have heard O'Shay out."

"I don't know how much good that would do," Chris replied. "I got the feeling O'Shay wasn't about to be too generous." Chris began to walk off. "Our job is to protect these people," he called. "Not make their decisions for them."

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><p>She couldn't believe it. Every time she expected to put away her mourning clothes, someone else died. It was terrible. Before coming West, she had heard of the commonplace tragedies but never expected to be living them. Yet here she was again, standing by another grave.<p>

The attack the night before had left them all shaken. The pioneers had been wary of O'Shay but no one thought he would be as evil as to threaten their lives. Undeniably no one had paid a higher price than the woman beside her. Mary sympathized with the widow's situation: with child and now without a husband by her side. Having to care for a child alone without a child was a daunting reality she knew too well.

As Josiah finished the prayer and people paid their final respects, Mary waited for the widow to lay her last bouquet of flowers at her husband's grave. Gently taking her arm, both women headed back toward the wagons.

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><p>"JD, come here." Chris called the greenhorn over from the grave site. "You ride with somebody else over to that homestead land. I gotta feeling there's more to it than O'Shay is sharing."<p>

"Alright." The young man put his hat on.

"Make sure you take a good look around. Don't miss anything."

"You got it." He set off, his strides long with purpose. Chris turned to get his horse, making his way across the dry grasses to the makeshift posts. He began to calculate how much time they had lost between recovering from last night's attack and making burial arrangements this morning. Vin seamlessly fell in step with him.

"You think we should make double-time?" Chris looked over at the sharpshooter.

"I don't want people to think we're running from O'Shay."

"Yeah. Hope he doesn't try anything today." Vin gave Chris a sideways glance. "Sure does take a coward to attack a wagon train of women and children in the middle of the night." Within a minute, they reached the horses and began checking their saddles. As Chris tightened the flank biblet, he heard a group approach behind him.

Gerard was first to speak. "Under the circumstances, do you think we should send the women and children back?"

"We'll be stronger if we all stick together," Vin replied.

"We'll stick together but you men, your job's done here." Richmond said firmly.

"Will, please." Charlotte's meek voice was barely noticeable.

"Nobody died until they showed up to protect us." His voice left no room for compromise.

"Didn't know what we were up against. Now we do." Vin's voice remained calm.

"People like O'Shay make a game of going against hired guns like you."

"These men aren't what O'Shay is after." Mary, who had joined the group with the widow, spoke up.

"Mr. Richmond, I got two young children with me. And I want as many men as possible between them and Dickey O'Shay." Gerard asserted. Chris' frowned slightly. Gerard made it sound as if Billy was his son.

The group mumbled agreement with Gerard and began to recede, going back to their wagons to carry on. Vin climbed his stallion as Chris finished checking his saddle.

"I'll ride ahead, make sure everyone gets in formation."

Chris looked up and nodded. "I'll see you up there."

Chris gripped his saddle horn with his right hand, about to hoist himself up but stopped, looking down. He was troubled with the question of what was going to happen to all these people. Even if they did reach the homestead there was no guarantee O'Shay wouldn't continue to harass them. There was no end in sight.

"Chris?" Mary's quiet inquisition broke his concentration. He looked up, seeing her approaching figure framed by the breaking dawn.

"Mary." He suddenly felt awkward. It was the first time they had been alone since the trip began. And since they were outside of Four Corners it felt different, as if the rules had changed. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

"I just wanted to say thank you. I know no one seems very appreciative right now." Chris released his grip on the saddle and walked two steps toward her so that they were within arm's reach. He gripped his black studded holster at his waist.

"You don't have to make up excuses for them." His head motioned to the crowd of wagons. "I'd be pretty fed up too if I was in their shoes." Mary smiled slightly.

"It's hard to imagine." She clasped her hands together in front of her. "I know we've got our problems in town but I forget how hard life is out here too."

"Seems like it was good for you to get out of there for a little while."

"It was. Maybe I needed this excitement for my next big story. The town is getting too tame for my newspaper sales, thanks to seven lawmen." They laughed together.

"Well I didn't realize I was costing you your business," he teased, "We both know it's gonna be a long while 'till that place gets boring. Least it gives me an excuse to keep my eye on you." He grinned at her.

The good humor vanished from Mary's face as a crease formed on her forehead. She stepped back from him, expression turning stormy and eyes cold. "Let me know if you need anything, Chris. I'll be with Gerard."Her gaze lingered for a moment before she turned on her heel and quickly walked away.

Chris watched her escape from him as frustration and confusion cascaded over him. She did not give him as much as an errant glance and walked with certain finality. It wasn't like her. Something was different, something was unsettled. He shook his head in resignation, resolving to find out later. For now he had a wagon train to get moving and as much as he wanted to run after Mary, he needed to concentrate on the task at hand. He mounted his stallion and set off to the front of the line.

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><p>"You alright?"<p>

"Just ponderin'."

"'Bout what?"

"Nothing much worth tellin'."

"Chris, now I know my story about getting caught red-handed by Eugene's ma didn't give you a thought but you were thinking about something."Chris smiled. Buck might have a lot of shortcomings but honesty was not one of them. Chris sat up in the saddle, moving his left elbow from its resting place on the horn.

"O'Shay. I don't like that we haven't heard anything from him." Chris looked to the sky, immersed in his half-truth. "I want you and Vin to go scout him out."

"Scout him out? Like we're some two-man cavalry?"

"You know what I mean. See if you can find out what he's up to."

"You, Josiah and Ezra gonna be okay?"

"We'll be fine."

"Alright, I'll get Vin." Buck fisted his reigns and stopped. "Nice work."

Chris took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. "What?"

"You've got real good at getting' around the truth. Just do me a favor next time and make it more interesting." He bowed his hat, tapped the white stallions' flanks and sped up the line of wagons to get Vin. Chris shook his head in disbelief. The man had a gift when it came to perception.

He had told Buck the truth in part, at least. He _was_ thinking about O'Shay and worrying about the Irishman's next move. But that was only when he wasn't thinking about his brief encounter with Mary earlier. Chris cursed himself. If he hadn't been so damn comfortable speaking with her maybe he would have watched his words and not driven her away. Blowing out an exasperated sigh, he knew he needed to find her and apologize. There was no way around it. The only problem was Gerard was acting like an angry watchdog where she was concerned. Chris felt like he couldn't go within a ten foot radius of her without the man getting territorial.

The more Chris mulled over Gerard's attentions the angrier he got. They had been through a lot within the year and a half they had known each other. If Chris wanted to talk to her he should have no problem doing it. His eyebrows furrowed. _Hell, no_. Chris boldly drew up his reigns, scanning the line. He caught sight of the wagon in question and made his way up the line until he reached Gerard's wagon. He slowed his horse until he was at the wagon's pace, keeping his eyes focused ahead and running through a quick script in his head. Slowly, he turned to the left to find – no sign of her.

"Where's Mary?"

"Over there." Gerard motioned his head to the open plain beside the line of wagons. "She wanted to be alone." Chris looked in the same direction just in time to catch Mary riding by on her chestnut mare, a bundle of blonde hair and white skirts blowing in the breeze. The corners of his mouth turned upwards.

"Do you think it's safe?" Chris almost laughed at the question.

"You think she'd listen to us if we told her to stay in the wagon?" Gerard smirked.

"I don't mean to pry, Mr. Larabee but I noticed you and she… have something of a friendship." Gerard shifted his eyes to Chris, as if sizing up an opponent.

"Sure, you could say that." Chris kept his voice level.

"Anything else to it?"

"What are you asking?" Resentment found its way into Chris' expression. If this man wanted to fight he wouldn't back down.

"Forgive me, that was unfair." Gerard looked uncomfortable and looked back to the wagons in front of him. "My competitive nature sometimes overwhelms my manners," he paused, watching Mary. "Then again, a man would have to be blind to not notice her charms."

"Well I ain't blind." Chris laughed, leaning forward in good nature. He knew the "friendship" between he and Mary wasn't as covert as he had once thought. And there was no way he would deny it, least of all to Gerard. He gave the pioneer a nod and continued up the line, taking a moment to look across the prickly grass at Mary, who had slowed her horse down to a trot. Chris wasn't about to interrupt her. There was still time to apologize, it would just have to wait.

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><p>Mary needed this. She needed the wind in her face, the feeling of being nowhere, of floating in the sky. It was freeing, it cleared her mind. She focused on nothing but the horizon ahead of her. Breathing in deeply and closing her eyes, she let her troubles ease out of her body and her mind go blank.<p>

_Chris_.

Well, almost blank. She opened her eyes and regained the sense of the horse beneath her. She had come on this wagon train to prove she wasn't interested in him anymore. She was traveling with Gerard, a man who had a promising future on the frontier and was a wonderful father. Everything she should want for her son and herself. Everything she _should_ want. But instead at this moment, Chris was at the forefront of her mind. She slowed her mare to a trot.

After Stephen's death Mary was sure she would be the only one left to pick up the torch and fight for Four Corner's future. In Chris she had found an unlikely ally. He became invaluable, unexpectedly weaving his way into her life so tightly that she didn't know what would happen if he left it. She didn't like to think of what would happen if he left it. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. But as close as she felt to Chris, he made no move to solidify that position. He never so much as tried to kiss her or tell her she was important to him. Mary was a patient woman but there were times Chris' apathy grated her tolerance. Unlike Chris, Gerard had swooped in days before and immediately set to wooing her. She had to admit it was refreshing in spite of her disinterest. She was only human – she wanted the stability of married life. Maybe she just needed to give Gerard more time. He was a good man, surely he could find his way into her heart. She could learn to love him, she just needed more time.

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><p><strong>Good? Not so good? Please click that review button and let me know! (But I'm not kidding.)<strong>


	6. The End of the Trail

**Part Two - The Conclusion to Wagon Train!  
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><p>God, it sure was beautiful.<p>

Chris walked around the stationary wagons, the perfect sunny day and laughing children invading his senses. The pioneers had reached their land in spite of O'Shay's attempts to keep them from it. And it was a picturesque piece of ground, on the banks of a lapping river and set across fertile valleys. The pioneers deserved it for all their hard work and made no attempt to hide that. Their celebration at reaching the Promised Land was infectious. People cheered, the fiddler began a lively tune, and children played in the crystal water. Chris settled next to a wagon, leaning one arm against it for support as he admired the celebration on river and taking interest in one particular person.

She was skipping stones with Billy and Katy, clearly enjoying herself. He could hear her melodious laughter with every failed effort, bringing a smile to his lips at her indulgence in a children's game. After a few more inconsequential tries, she turned around and began walking back toward the wagons, hopping joyfully over small bushes and weaving through the brush. The light was still in her eyes when she caught sight of Chris and came over to join him.

"I used to be better at that." She said, trying to contain her giggling as she stood next to him. He chuckled good-naturedly, her mood naturally lifting his own. Yet as soon as the smile came, it faded. He suddenly felt awkward, recalling the night before when he saw Gerard take her away from the crowd and kiss her in the moonlight. It seemed to prove Mary was smitten with him.

"Any sign of O'Shay?" She crossed her arms and gave him a sideways glance.

Chris looked around purposefully. "Not yet."

"Maybe he finally understands that these people aren't willing to give this place up. I know I wouldn't if it were mine." He looked at her, noticing the way the cloudless blue sky and afternoon sun framed her face, giving her an ethereal glow.

"Sounds like you wish it were."

"Oh no it's just…" She seemed embarrassed and her smile vanished. "Gerard asked me to marry him."

Despair jolted in his stomach. He looked at the ground, hoping to erase the certain regret from his expression before she noticed. "Congratulations."

"I mean I haven't accepted yet. I still have to talk to Billy about it. It's his life too." She took a deep breath and still did not smile.

Chris steered from dangerous territory, making light of the situation. "Somehow I never pictured you plowin' fields." They laughed and she dropped her arms.

"Starting over out here, it would be a challenge." She conceded, nodding and keeping her eyes on the water.

"Oh, it'd be challenging alright. Milking cows, churning butter."He put his hands on his holster, giving her a genuine grin. He was already uncontrollably enraptured in their banter again.

"There's a lot of things in my life I never pictured." She smiled back at him. "But when I see Billy and Katy together…What a great father Gerard is, I…" She trailed off, watching her son.

"Sounds like you'd be foolish to turn him down." Chris watched her, misery crowding his reaction more and more.

"It does, doesn't it?" She answered softly, looking to him as if she was waiting for something. He dropped his eyes from hers.

"I wish you the best of luck." He said half-heartedly, setting his jaw in place.

She gave a hesitant nod of acknowledgment as Chris turned and walked away. He couldn't do more than offer her lukewarm congratulations. He couldn't imagine Four Corners without her. Not only had she been invaluable to the men and him, Mary had ambled into his affections. He felt like every meeting, every conversation with her was too short. He couldn't control his feelings around her. She was a constant in his dreams and he often woke to the disappointment of her absence at his side. She was the one person who triggered feelings he hadn't known for years. But it didn't matter what his emotions were, he decided that long ago. All he wanted was for her and Billy to be happy.

_But you could have made them happy,_ a wicked voice said in the back of his mind._ Now it's over. You've lost her forever._

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><p>Mary sat on a patch of grassy brush as far away from the wagon train as possible, trying to piece together what little sense was still in her brain. Her head had been clouded for the last few days, ever since they came to the homestead and Gerard proposed marriage. There were a thousand emotions and a thousand thoughts coursing through her body at every moment, ensnaring her in a medley of uncertainty. Nevertheless, she had come to a decision. And at that moment, she needed to find Chris to tell him. She wanted to put everything behind her and prepare for the next steps in her life.<p>

She stood for a minute, brushed off her skirts and looked at the sun bleeding its way into the sky. Mary brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the reborn light, scanning the collection of wagons for him. Her gaze landed on Ezra's bold red coat, the only gunman sitting by the fire pit, sipping from a tin cup. She set off, wading her way through unspoiled sand to reach the gambler.

"Morning, Ezra." She nearly startled herself with the cheerfulness in her voice.

Ezra, bleary-eyed and still half asleep looked up from the contents of his cup and tipped his hat. "Greetings, Mary. And what are you doing on this fair day?" He gestured expressively, as if to present the sun to her. "Taking a promenade in the morning radiance I see?"

She laughed. "Actually, I'm looking for Chris. Have you seen him recently?" She folded her arms instinctively, hoping Ezra wouldn't ask why she was seeking out the man in black.

"I saw our fine leader walk up the river earlier." Ezra pointed to a less traveled parcel of land, leading away from the group. He smirked. "I'm sure you'd put him in a better mood if you brought him a morning cup of coffee."

"Thank you for the advice." Mary knelt down, taking a spare silver cup from a wooden box by Ezra's feet, removing the kettle from its hanging spot above the flames and poured some steaming dark liquid into it.

She walked up the waterway thoughtfully, balancing the cup and listening to the birds throwing echoes to each other from either side of the river bank as the morning's rhythms began. The sand quietly crunched beneath her feet as she came upon Chris, perched on a large fallen tree trunk by the water. The area was blissfully isolated and no other people were in sight – a welcome respite from constant company along the trail. As she came closer, she saw that calm yet intense look carved on Chris' face, marking his curiosity at her presence. It was the gaze that made her feel as if he saw everything about her. It made her stomach quiver in ways not associated with discomfort.

When Mary came in arm's length, she held out the cup almost as a peace offering. She was aware the last two times they talked had been strained and complicated, to say the least. She wanted to put this conversation on the right footing. He gave her a nod.

"Thank you." He held her eyes for a moment before he tipped his head down to the black liquid.

Mary stepped to his side as he drank. "Maybe coming on this wagon train wasn't one of my better ideas," she dejectedly threw her arms out from her sides.

"Well to tell you the truth, without you I don't think we would have made it this far," he countered, raising his gaze to hers again. "You're a special lady."

Her heart fluttered, taken aback by his flattery. A familiar feeling of weakness overcame her and she found it uncharacteristically difficult to look at him in the eyes. She nervously scratched her forehead. She had to stop this before it got out of hand. She had to tell him now.

"I've decided to marry Gerard." She sheepishly watched for his reaction, trying to deliver anything but a lackluster smile.

"He's a good man." Chris didn't so much as blink and his voice exuded a deadpanned indifference. Clearly, whatever feelings he had were hidden behind a well trained mask.

"I think a boy deserves a father growing up." She added.

"So do I. Billy seems to get along just fine with him." Mary nodded again absentmindedly, looking down. Chris evidently didn't care if she was with another man. She might as well have just told him she was having soup for lunch.

His next question arrested her ponderings. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Feeling suddenly exhausted, she gave him little more than a small smile. He looked at her directly in the eyes.

"Do you love him?"

Her smile disappeared. A sickening feeling spread throughout her chest. He had done it, in just four words. All the doubts in Mary's mind came to a halt when he asked that question and the answers were despondently clear before her.

_No_, she did not love him.

_No_, she did not want to marry him.

_No_, she did not want this life.

Sensing her change in mood, Chris smiled to ease her discomfort. He sashayed his head back and forth playfully to tease out an answer from her. "A little bit?"

She did not smile, still reeling from her newfound clarity. Life was moving in slow motion at this point. She couldn't hear the trickling of the river or the songs of the birds or the light wind rustling about her. Chris knew her well, that was for sure. He knew she was lying to herself and caught her in a self-constructed lie. She immediately felt the weight and ramifications of her decision pummel down on her. Her white blouse felt too tight and her breath changed pace with anxiety. Sitting on the log, she purposefully looked at Chris and began to put thoughts into words.

"No, I don't." She said slowly, quietly, "But he's a good man."

Chris shifted his body to more comfortably face her, "But if he doesn't make you happy, what's the point?"

"Billy needs a father. I don't want to deny him that." Her hair lapped around her neck from the gentle puffs of breeze.

"Billy wants his Mama to be happy more than anything." Mary looked back to Chris. "You're everything to him. It wouldn't do him any good to see you sacrifice that." Mary felt tears prick her eyes with adoration for her son but she held them back. "You've built a life in Four Corners, Mary. That town still needs you. If the town has gotta lose you to something, it's gotta be something worthwhile."

"When you talk about it, it seems so simple." Laughing humorlessly, she brought her hand to her feathery locks and began to stroke a strand. "I've doubted myself this entire time. I've gone back and forth at every decision." She closed her eyes briefly. "I've felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders these last few days. There are so many things to consider that I can barely make sense of any of them."

"Lean on me." Chris' voice became unusually tender, soothing. "You don't have to go through this alone." Mary felt a warmth bloom inside her.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt Billy. And I don't want to abandon the town or the paper. But this might be my only chance at making a better life for Billy and me."

"It's not," he said firmly. He resettled on the log and said more gruffly, "Only you can know what's best for you. I'm not saying I know or anyone else knows but you. But Mary, you should be happy most of all. And if you figure that's with Gerard than fine. But don't sell yourself short. You're worth more than that." For a man of little words, Chris wove incredibly comforting phrases.

He watched her steadily. "You shouldn't feel cornered into marrying Gerard because you're an incredible woman – beautiful, intelligent, gentle - any man would be damn lucky if you even looked his way." His tone was insistent, as if he was trying to say something but didn't quite know how to put it.

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks at his compliments. She looked back to meet his stare and found a strange haze had settled over the two of them. "Mary, please," he said tenderly, allowing his voice to carry the weight of his meaning. His eyes reverently traced all over her face until they reflected her stare again, words unnecessary to announce the palpable lure between them. They had leaned closer during the intimate conversation, so close that if she moved in just a little more, turned her head to the side…

She pulled back abruptly. She couldn't, not when she had just talked to him about Gerard. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. "That's very kind of you." She cleared her throat. "But I still need to think about this."

Chris' back straightened. His eyes hardened to a jade coolness. "Alright." He poured his coffee out on the sand and stood up, tipping his hat. "I'll see you back at the camp."

"Chris, wait." She stood up, realizing he was affronted. "I can't just change my mind right away." She pursed her lips, unable to express herself in anything more than that faltering statement.

"Like I said Mary," He turned and began walking away from her, "It's your life."

Mary watched him stride back down the river bank, his usual gait unaffected by his certain aggravation. She didn't know if talking with Chris made things any better. Making the decision to marry someone was supposed to be easy yet where Gerard was concerned Mary felt anything but confident. Still, Chris clearly had feelings for her, feelings he just communicated in his own way. But she wasn't convinced she should completely give up on Gerard either.

She put her face in her hands, wishing she had never agreed to come on this wagon train.

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><p>Not two days later Mary stood next to Gerard's wagon, bathed in introspection under an inky sky pierced with gleaming stars. Woefully, she was still unsettled about her standing with Chris. Indeed, the night before she sat at the fire pit with JD and him but they barely acknowledged each other. She felt as though the chasm between them was an engulfing tempest driving her to misery and became swept up in her desire to reconnect with him. She had always known it was there, but this was the first time she truly felt the magnitude of their deep friendship.<p>

Mary's thoughts scattered once she heard Gerard exit the wagon after putting Billy and Katy to bed. Her heart began to thunder in her chest and she became lightheaded, barely registering that he was talking to her until she felt his hand lightly rubbing her back in a gesture of affection. She turned to face him and her mouth began to speak before she knew what she was doing.

"You're a fine man, Gerard," she struggled to keep her voice level. "And I care for you a great deal." Gerard leaned away from her, a frown forming upon his face.

"You know, it's funny how someone can change so much," he gripped his hat in his hands, "And yet ten years later the exact same words come out of their mouths."

"I'm sorry," she began until he shushed her, putting a finger to his lips. Silently, he squeezed her wrist and walked off into the blackness. Unhappily Mary turned, staring back into the fathomless sky.

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><p>The decision to part ways was made once O'Shay was defeated for good and the pioneers were safe to go back to their homestead site. Chris found himself packing his saddlebags after few departing well-wishes. Tilting his head, he looked up at the rays of light in the west, slanted from the afternoon sun.<p>

"Chris! Ma said I could ride with you! Can I? Can I, Chris?" Smiling, his hands stilled on his saddle and his attention redirected to the young boy running straight towards him.

"Sure thing, Pard." He hoisted Billy onto his stallion and grabbed the reins. He climbed up behind the boy and rested his arms on either side of him. "You okay?" Billy's small head bobbed vigorously against Chris' chest, ebullient and eager to go. "Alright." Chris nudged his horse forward.

In the least this trip had given Chris more time to spend with Billy, something he always cherished. There was nothing better than hearing the boy call his name or seeing his blue eyes light up with excitement.

_Not to mention Mary's never far behind him_. As soon as the thought of her materialized, Chris instinctively glanced behind him to catch a glimpse of her mid-embrace with Gerard. He gritted his teeth and faced forward again.

He'd tried to tell himself at least a hundred times since she told him she would marry Gerard that he couldn't get upset. The mantra failed every time. That morning on the rock, he'd done his best to restrain himself, told himself it wasn't his place to persuade her. But when she told him she needed more time to think about Gerard's marriage proposal, he'd huffed away. Now he paid for it, as every part of himself wanted to know what made her decide to leave Gerard behind. Resolving to find out, he urged his horse into a trot towards the other six men.

The group didn't ride more than two hours before they had to stop for the night, making camp close to a spring they came across on their way to the homestead. As the evening carried on, the men collected around a fire, swapping stories from the journey and passing the time with tall tales from their pasts.

Mary heard their laughter from inside her tent, where she laid a slumbering Billy down into his bedding. It wasn't as comfortable as sleeping in the back of Gerard's wagon but at least the boy was too tired to notice. As soon as Billy was settled and she was sure he was asleep for good, she quietly slipped out of the tent. Instead of joining the men in what she felt would be an intrusion, Mary walked a short distance outside the campground, admiring the night and keeping to her thoughts as she went.

"Yeah well for all that pushing, Ezra got a tight slap on the face." Laughs wound their way around the group. "Can't say he didn't deserve it." Nathan rested his elbow on his bended knee with a smile on his face.

"I was merely trying to propose a business proposition for the fair widow, a tribute to her fallen beloved."

"More like a tribute to your fallen pocketbook." Josiah teased while gnawing a weed between his teeth.

"Naturally for my time and efforts a small compensation package would have been in place…"

The men began to talk at once, pouncing on Ezra as he did his best to save his character.

Chris chuckled. It was almost as good as being in the saloon. Almost. He was beginning to get antsy and eager to get back to town. He couldn't say he was averse to the fine homestead land like Buck but some of those people were starting to get on his nerves. _Or maybe just one in particular_, he mused. Chris leaned away from the fire, feeling that his face was becoming too hot from the dancing flames.

As he surveyed the scene before him, he noticed something moving beyond the firelight. Looking closer, he saw a womanly form stepping away from the camp, her body softly swaying body as she folded into the darkness. Chris glanced at his friends still enraptured in the conversation and silently crept away from his seat on the edge of the gathering to follow Mary.

Vin nudged Buck, watching their leader steal away for different company. "How long you think that's gonna take?"

"Just until Chris gets his head outta his behind and realizes how much of a fool he's being." Buck sipped from a tin mug.

"Hell." Vin spit on the ground.

Mary could barely hear the men in the background, their raucous voices being replaced by the pulsing of crickets in the night air. She wrapped her arms around her body, breathing in deeply. She finally felt alone. She was away from Gerard, away from the wagon train, even away from the chaos of town. She could afford some time to regain her sense of self and figure out what she wanted. Seeing a few large rocks gleaming in the moonlight, she strolled over to one and sat down to admire the night.

"You mind some company?"

Startled, Mary let out a tiny gasp. She looked to see the faint silhouette of a familiar man not ten feet away from her. His clothes allowed his to bleed seamlessly into the indigo blackness. She placed a hand on her chest to calm her racing heart.

"No, of course not."

He came next to her and sat on a companion rock. "Hard to believe we've been with the wagon train for almost two weeks." His scent rippled through the air in a supple breeze. Mary inhaled deeply, mildly questioning his intent to speak with her. They hadn't talked since she told him she planned to marry Gerard.

"I'm looking forward to going back to town."

"No second thoughts?" She could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"None whatsoever."

"Good." He paused and cleared his throat uneasily. "I shouldn't have walked out on you the other day."

Mary straightened her back. "What do you mean?"

"The morning by the river. I offered to listen and went back on my word." He looked over to her, though she couldn't see his face in the moonless sky. "I'm sorry, Mary."

"Thank you." She said sincerely. "It was wrong of me to burden you with that. There were so many other things going on that required your attention…"

He shook his head lightly. "It wasn't that I had too many things on my mind. That don't make any difference to me when it comes to you. I was more put off by your relationship with Gerard."

Her breath stilled. "I could never like him, long as he did. I didn't want to lose you."

"But you didn't do anything about it." She countered evenly.

Their faces remained locked. "It was your decision." Determination welled up in her chest. Mary was direct in every other facet of her life. If she wanted to get anywhere with Chris, now was the time.

"Ever since that day at Wickes Town, I've been waiting for something from you. I don't understand. Gerard knew what he wanted and went right after it. But you and I have been in this _friendship _for more than a year and I still don't know about us." She stood, wrapping her arms around herself again.

"Mary…" He began, but she quelled his half-hearted plead.

"I just - I can't right now, Chris. I can't. This," she gestured between the two of them. "This is too hard right now. Goodnight." She turned and walked away quickly, trying to repress the swell of emotions inside her. Chris remained on the rock for some time, allowing the night to swim by before his eyes. Both took their solitude to heart, reminiscing over the last few weeks to the past year. Neither had envisioned the wagon train coming to this and neither knew what to do about the other.

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><p>The next two days passed uneventfully, only notable by the group's hard riding. Once they reached Four Corners each man went his way: Josiah to the church, Nathan to the clinic, JD to Casey's, Buck to find Inez, Vin to the stables and Ezra to the saloon.<p>

Mary gave a nod of thanks and goodbye to each man as they splintered off and consequently she and Billy were soon left with no one but Chris. The boy still sat with the gunslinger on his stallion, fortunately unaware of what had passed between the man and his mother. The two adults rode in silence towards _The Clarion_ while Billy voiced every happy thought and observation to cross his mind.

"Then we got the ball but Katy wasn't that good at catch after all so I-"

"Sweetheart," Mary interrupted as they reached the newspaper office. "It's time to say goodbye to Mr. Larabee."

"Aw!"

"Come on, Pard," Chris dismounted and lifted Billy off the saddle, "Listen to your ma."

"What do you say to Mr. Larabee?" Mary dismounted, gingerly placing one foot on the ground, then the other. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and promptly began to loosen her saddlebags.

"Thanks Chris."

"Anytime, Billy." He smiled genuinely down at the boy before he looked up to Mary.

"Mary?" He stepped closer. "Can I get that for you?" She stopped what she was doing and looked at him with cool blue eyes.

"No, thank you. I have it. I appreciate your help on the wagon train and the trip back."

"Glad I could help." He smirked. "You'll let me know if you need anything."

She smiled politely but it did not reach her eyes. "Thank you, Chris." He felt his pride deflate. Quickly covering his disappointment, he reached down and ruffled Billy's hair.

"See ya, kid."

Mary continued to unhinge her saddle bags until his horse's hoofbeats were far away enough to be safe. As she looked over her shoulder to see him ride towards the saloon a look of pure longing overcame her features and she was ever-aware of her volatile emotions, abruptly switching from anger to disappointment.

Every man she met since Chris Larabee seemed to lack some quality he professed. It was impossible for her to stray from comparing other men to him. And yet she was miserably familiar with her emotions – the feeling that nothing had been accomplished between them and more painfully, as she turned to _The Clarion's_ storefront, that nothing would ever bring them together.

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><p><strong>Well I hope this was enjoyable. I've still got a couple more storylines up my sleeve for this story and hope to get back to writing within the next week or so. I haven't been in the right frame of mind to write much of anything recently, so I apologize that my personal goal of one updateweek wasn't fulfilled. So thank you to those who are reading!  
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**NOW ACCEPTING: ANONYMOUS REVIEWS! (You know you want to).  
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	7. Recompense

**Thank you to those who reviewed. I hope you enjoy my added scene from **_**Penance**_**!**

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><p>In a livid whirlwind, Josiah stormed out of the room, knocking over a chair as Vin darted after him. Without missing a beat, Poplar was on the preacher's heels, seething like a poisonous snake coming in for the kill.<p>

"No!" Chris grabbed Poplar's arm, halting him.

"That man should be incarcerated, no matter whose friend he is in town." The Pinkerton agent spat disdainfully.

"Not while I'm around."

In the dim light Poplar's blue eyes widened. For a moment the room hushed into a tense stillness. Poplar's brow furrowed but he relented, retracting his arm and slowly walking out the door towards the hotel. Chris heard Mary's breath release in relief.

"Damn fool." Chris growled, unsure himself if he meant Josiah or the agent. He ran a hand over his face in frustration.

"I don't understand what's gotten into him." Mary's perplexed voice came from behind him.

"Whatever it is, his stubborn streak is going to get him in trouble." He shook his head, looking toward the blackness beyond the open door.

"And Poplar's going after the wrong man. I know Josiah would never have threatened me, even if his knife was under the boardwalk." Chris' memory flashed back to earlier that night, standing in the street with Vin when Mary's terrified scream cut through the darkness, chilling his bones. He turned to face her.

"You okay?" The candles around them flickered in response to his movement, causing her shadow to shiver on the back wall.

"I should be asking you that question."

"I'm fine. As long as Billy doesn't know about what happened. I don't want to scare him." She tucked a loose golden lock back into the low bun on her head.

"I don't think JD would say anything to worry him."

"You're right." She agreed, her expression turning to contemplation. "He's probably waiting for me at home."

"I'll walk you home." Chris went to the coathanger by the door, gathering her shawl from one of the hooks. He held it out for her. Mary accepted, turning around so that her back was facing him. He placed the shawl on her shoulders, completing an embrace from behind. His mind instantly fantasized about keeping his arms wrapped around her but he brushed the intrusive thought off and dropped his arms.

"You never did answer my question."

"What's that?"

"If you want to talk about what's bothering you, I'm here." She pulled the shawl against her torso and turned around to face him, her crystal blue eyes gazing up at his. For several moments they were comfortably within inches of each other before either moved. Chris abruptly side stepped, putting a hand on her back to guide her towards the door. Briefly, she turned around and blew out the candles to leave the room shrouded in blackness.

Once they both were outside Chris pulled the door shut. "We just can't afford to lose any of us. I don't want to see Josiah forced to leave for something he didn't do." Taking out his keys, he locked the door as Mary waited patiently behind him.

"But he's being so damn hardheaded that there's nothing I can do except give Poplar my word that he's got the wrong man." He stowed the keys back in his duster's pocket and they began to simultaneously walk towards _The Clarion_'s office.

"And that's not working well." Mary commented.

"No it ain't." As they walked through town neither paid attention to the raucous laughter or the sensuous lights beckoning them inside the saloon, though it was the only illumination on the street.

"I don't know that there's anything else you can do. Both you and Vin are trying to help Josiah but it's really up to him to save himself." Seeing his displeased reaction, she added, "You're not deserting him. Don't be hard on yourself."

"I'm not giving up on him." He replied firmly.

"And you shouldn't. But you also shouldn't blame yourself if things go poorly."

They walked on, reaching the newspaper office in short time and stopping in front of the door. The kerosene lantern outside was lit, casting a yellow glow on the two of them. She pulled out her keys but stopped to at him, putting a hand on his sleeved arm and squeezing. "I know it might not feel like it right now, Chris but you are a good leader. But even good leaders don't have all the answers every time."

Chris responded with a small smile. "Do me a favor?"

Mary inclined her head in anticipation of his request. "Don't walk around at night by yourself 'til we catch him." He brought the back of his hand up to her cheek, grazing it gently. She smiled. "I don't want anything like tonight to happen again."

"I'll be careful." She promised, closing her eyes briefly. Slowly reopened them and turned to unlock her door. She stepped inside. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." The door closed and he waited until he heard the click of the lock and saw a few more lights brighten in the back room. He began to make his way to the church to find Josiah and Vin, thoughts whirling in his head. Mary was right - he couldn't save Josiah but he would do everything in his power to discourage Poplar from going after the preacher. The Seven had to look out for each other. Sighing deeply, his troubled thoughts turned to back to the journalist.

When they returned from the wagon train two months ago it seemed impossible that they would be so friendly in such a short amount of time. It had taken a good three weeks for them to get on full speaking terms again but when Mary did come around he made it clear she was not just a friend, indulging in some romantic advances when they were together. He didn't know what exactly he wanted but days like today gave him pause. When she ran into the street petrified from a near death experience, when her steady gaze arrested him moments ago, he was reminded of how much he cared for her. But he was at a standstill. Other than showing her he cared, Chris wasn't sure what he wanted with her. It wasn't as if marriage was on his mind but the thought of another Gerard character sweeping Mary off her feet made him sick to his stomach.

As he huffed his way up the church steps, he gave up on reasoning with himself. He would have to let it go for now. Whatever was between him and Mary would have to wait. He would just do what felt right and hope all turned out well in the end.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! I hope to have the next installment, the climax to this thread, up by the end of the month. As always, reviews and constructive criticism is very much appreciated.<strong>


	8. Join

**Greetings!**

**I've finally finished the next installment. This chapter is set after the events of _Serpents_ which I personally think is one of the best episodes in the series. I have one more chapter in mind for this which hopefully I'll be able to write quickly and post before the holidays (fingers crossed). I hope you all enjoy this and thank you to all who have reveiwed in the past, it's what helps me to keep writing!**

**Disclaimer: No profit is being made from this story.**

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><p>Chris pushed the swinging doors out of his way, becoming enveloped in the smoky haze and porous smell of whiskey. He surveyed the dim saloon, illuminated only by the meager sunlight from windows half-covered with green velvet curtains. As he stepped in, a few men at the bar straightened nervously upon seeing him. Even fewer men, probably new to town, mutely challenged his authority by openly watching, as if to dare the gunslinger to cross them. But Chris evenly returned their looks with a hard stare, unsatisfied until each turned back to his business and ceremoniously submitted to the man in black.<p>

Chris chuckled inwardly as the last cowboy gave up the silent dare. Not very long ago he would have balked at the suggestion that he would take up law enforcement. Now he had an entire town rearing to his authority. The change was almost too drastic for him to believe but he was realizing more and more that it somehow fit. He couldn't imagine doing anything else.

He continued his visual perusal of the saloon and soon his roaming gaze fell on Josiah and JD, who were sitting around one three-legged table. Each seemed to be in a state of introspection, barely noticing his approach.

"Hey there, boys," Chris strode up and pulled out the last free chair.

"Howdy."

"Anything going on?"

"Nothing much worth talking about."Josiah pulled out a deck of cards from his coat pocket and began to shuffle them for what Chris suspected was a game of solitaire.

"Strange without Ezra here."

"I'll say," JD leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. "You know how he's doing?"

Chris took off his hat. "Just saw him and Nathan. Looks like he's doing pretty well."

"That's more than I can say for Buck." The greenhorn blew out an aggravated sigh. "His head's all wrapped around the Governor's lady. 'Specially since she quit the campaign."

Chris smirked at his concern. "I've got a feeling Buck'll be right back here soon enough. I don't think he can tame that one to stay put. And he sure as hell ain't about to get on the road with her."

"Yeah, guess you're right."JD took his glass of milk off the table and began to examine it, mulling over Chris' comments.

The gunslinger left the young man to his thoughts and looked over at Josiah, much involved with his card game. "Thought you were going to be fixing up that church roof today."

"I was." He didn't bother to look up.

"You give up on it then?"

"Didn't think it would be right for me to be pounding away while someone's in there talking with God."

"Sounds pretty serious." Chris commented fleetingly, looking over to the bar as his mind began to run away with new ideas. _Is it too early for whiskey?_

"Well, I figure whatever Mary's got to say is probably important. She could have been killed today."

His mind halted.

"Mary's in there?" Josiah deliberately looked up at him, bore into his eyes, then broke his stare and went back to his cards. "Yep."

Chris' brow furrowed. He hadn't seen her since that morning at the rally, when Ezra had intercepted a bullet for her. Chris had wanted to talk to her but had been skirted away with the ensuing pandemonium. And she hadn't been in _The Clarion_ when he'd passed by minutes ago. _But if she's in the church alone_…

He stood up promptly. "You got somewhere to be?" Josiah kept his eyes on his game but Chris could still see the amusement on his face.

"Just down the street." He grabbed his hat, setting it back on his head and swiftly pushed his way out of the saloon, breaking into the sunlight along the street.

* * *

><p>As much as she wanted to concentrate on her thoughts, Mary couldn't ignore the aching pain in her knees. Twenty minutes kneeling on the floor was taking a toll on her. She squeezed her palms together harder and shut her eyes tighter, trying to block out the uncomfortable sensation and keep her mind on her prayers. It was no use. The pain was too much.<p>

_Maybe I've done enough talking with God today. _She opened her eyes, lifted her head and placed both hands on the pew in front of her. There was no reason to suffer in silence, it just made her prayers incomplete and insincere. She needed to finish and move on. But, she realized belatedly, getting up was going to be just as hard as staying down.

Mary began to lift herself rather ungracefully on unsteady legs, raw and unpredictable from the prolonged stress they had just undergone. As she awkwardly tried to prop herself up she heard the doors open behind her. Rapid taps on the wooden floor and a strong hand went around her waist to support her before she could turn her head to see who had just come in. She faltered a bit from the surprise, which was precisely when that extra support was needed to avoid tumbling to the floor.

"Seems pretty dangerous in here," a familiar voice commented. She relaxed and indulged herself, making no attempt to remove his arms from around her once she was settled on her feet.

"I didn't expect to be down there for so long. It just happened." She turned to face him and looked up, greeted by his face mere inches from hers. Recognizing the impropriety and the scene that would befall anyone else who entered behind them, she moved away quickly, stepping aside and brushing floor dust off her rose-colored dress.

"Thank you."

"Glad I could help."

She looked around, slightly confused at his unusual presence. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you." He spoke a little slower, looking at her carefully. "To make sure you're alright." She lifted her eyebrows. "You could have been shot today."

Recalling the day's earlier events, her determination to attend the rally and her close encounter with death made her stomach churn. He had warned her, had been short with her and had implored her to leave. The fact that he had been right about the situation and that she had been terrified, or worse – vulnerable, caused her defenses to spring up and her sharp tongue to lash at him. "Did you come to scold me again? To tell me I should have listened to you and not gone?"

"I ain't saying that, Mary. You did what you felt that you needed to do. I didn't agree with it but in the end it wasn't my place to stop you from going."

"You sounded pretty convincing back in the newspaper office. And out on the street." She crossed her arms but her voice was noticeably softer.

"I was worried about you. And for good reason." He frowned. "If Ezra hadn't been there, if things had gone different, we wouldn't even be standing here and having this conversation." She shifted her weight from her left leg to her right. "You gotta admit that's a tough pill to swallow."

She sighed, relenting completely and feeling her anger dissolve. "I know. I'm lucky Ezra was there. And I know that might not be the last time someone comes after me. My paper doesn't exactly please everyone." She smiled gently. "Thank you for your concern." He nodded.

"So what are you going to do?"

She ran her hands over her upper arms, glancing down to the floor. "I want to keep up with my editorials but it could get ugly, this morning proved that. I don't know what to do." She watched the floor intently for several moments, just before all the emotions from the morning hit her. She looked up miserably at him. "I don't know if I've crossed the line. If anything happened to me, I can't think of what it would do to Billy, to lose both parents…" She looked away, feeling the strain in her voice.

When she looked back to him, his own expression had changed. She didn't know if it was sympathy, admiration or concern. But as she felt her chest tighten and her thoughts become more scattered with despair, he began to slowly make his way closer to her again, so slowly it was as if he was asking for permission.

She spoke no words of reproach, only watched him and held her breath, waiting for his next move. And as he reached her he wrapped his arms around her body and kissed her forehead. She leaned in to him and allowed the trickle of tears that did leak from her eyes to stain his shirt with wetness. They stood for a few minutes enjoying little else than the comfortable silence and the closeness to one another. He brought a hand up and tentatively laid it on the top of her head, as if it might break. But when he found it didn't, he stroked her golden locks for a few moments before speaking.

"Whatever you decide you need to do, I'm not leaving. Anyone who wants to get to you is going to have to come charging through me first." He tightened his grip around her and kissed her forehead again, feeling nothing but her beating heart against his chest, hearing nothing but her breathing and acting on no premeditated words or statements now, only feelings. "Mary…"

"Chris." It was enough of a question to make him draw back slightly so he could see her face. It was serene and ethereal, how he always pictured it. His eyes reverently traced the curve of her nose, chin and cheeks until they settled back in her azure eyes.

And then all at once they were kissing.

_He_ was kissing _her_.

_She_ was kissing _him_.

All that either could think of was the blissful sensation of their lips moving together, like a wondrous dance. But what began as a slow waltz soon turned into a fiery tango, using teeth and tongue to accommodate the spark of passion that coursed through their bodies and took hold of their impulses. His hand was around her back, in her hair, on her neck. She clutched the front of his shirt, trying to pull them closer together. And both were beginning to breathe heavily with exertion.

_Too heavily_, he realized once his mind registered just how firmly her waist was against his. As if she was thinking the same thought, Mary pulled away at once. He released her from his bind, stepping away even though the blood pumping through his veins was proof he wanted to do more than just kiss her again. As they watched each other with darkened eyes, he realized regardless of all he wanted to do, he had no idea of what to say. Words seemed nearly pointless - actions spoke so much louder. But because it wouldn't be right to assume her wants, he ventured in an expression of his.

"Should I apologize?"

"I would be disappointed if you did."

"I didn't plan that."

"I know." He felt somewhat relieved. "That wasn't uncomfortable for you?"

"No."

Neither knew what to say.

"I can leave." He ventured.

"I don't want that."

"…Then what do you want?" As the question left his mouth she noticed the way his eyes roamed her body, undoubtedly noting the way her dress' neck scooped low and her bodice fitted to reveal her womanly form. She didn't need to look down to see how her golden tendrils cascaded down her chest, drawing the eye in that direction as well. Though he had asked her what she wanted the look on his face made his own desires quite clear.

"Truthfully?" She took a deep breath and sighed to try and calm her heated body. "I want what just happened to happen again."

He smiled like the cat who got the cream.

"But I think it would be better," she cleared her throat, "if you came and had dinner with Billy and me when he comes back home on Thursday."

Chris' face sobered. Disappointment scattered across his countenance but he regained himself. "It ain't exactly what I hoped for but you're right. I want this to be right."

Mary was dizzy with relief. Chris had proved he was not interested in a passing moment of passion. He confirmed he was more invested in her than thirty minutes of pleasure. That he was seeking some kind of longevity, that he respected her enough to invest time in this. In them.

"It almost doesn't seem fair," Mary conceded, despite smiling from ear to ear, "I've waited for that to happen for a while." Her body buzzed with the yearning to feel him touch her, kiss her.

"I know, me too." Chris sighed, "but if we want to do this right I gotta stop toying with temptation and get out of here before I do something we both regret." His eyes poured over her body again before he reunited with her eyes. "I'll see you Thursday, Mary."

She swallowed hard. There was something tangibly different in the way he said her name. "I'll see you sooner than that I'm sure, Chris."

"I hope so." He began to walk to the door but abruptly stopped. He turned, swiftly making his way back to her.

"Chris…" Her stomach began to tremble in anticipation of his nearness. But before she could protest further or think of what to do, he pulled her into an impassioned kiss, molding her body against his as he explored her mouth. Then, as quickly as he came to her he released her and was across the room at the door again.

"I'll see you soon." She said breathlessly.

"Not soon enough." He replied, matching her jagged breathing.

Daylight invaded the church as he pulled the door wide open and stepped out but was instantly swallowed as he closed the door behind him.

Mary began to collect her belongings, still thinking about the way they had kissed, how she had felt against him and what could have happened if they had made different decisions. After all, he could have easily met her at _The Clarion_ and they could have slipped into the back room…

She shook her head, banishing her thoughts. In spite of baser desires, she should be ecstatic that he wanted to take things slow. Glancing out the window and seeing his retreating form, she grinned in anticipation of their dinner.

It was happening at long last - they had come a long way and Mary was certain nothing else could happen to drive them apart.

* * *

><p><strong>Please Review!<strong>


	9. Persistence

**Greetings-**

**Here's the final chapter to _Shatter_ (finally). For this last piece, I fittingly incorporated some scenes and elements from _Obsession_.**

* * *

><p>This was a horrible idea.<p>

Even as beads of sweat gathered at her brow she scrutinized the paper as she would any other day, though Mary was all too aware it was becoming harder and harder with each passing moment. She examined the paper closely, eyes scanning the lines to check for any imperfections in syntax or appearance. It had taken her well over two hours to put all the letters in place for this page and she wanted it to be flawless. Now was not the time to make a mistake. She had to prove she could do this.

Once satisfied with the test document, she brought it to her work table and set it with the other dried leafs. Yet as she stood over the table her brows knitted in discomfort. She barely recognized the materials on her desk, her vision becoming a secondary sense to the disorienting sensations running through her. She placed both palms on the pine table and leaned into them, closing her eyes and taking two deep breaths.

_I just need a moment._

She stood there, unmoving and welcoming the sun's warmth coating her back from the generous window behind her. Realigning her body to a standing position and lifting her head, Mary decided her fatigue was not abated. Opening her eyes, she began to walk around the table, tracing her hand around its edge as she went to her simple Cottonwood chair.

Slowly Mary sat herself down, using the table as an anchor. Ample sweat now slicked her entire forehead. She panted audibly, berating herself silently for being so careless. She desperately wanted a glass of water but as she looked in the direction of the back room where she left the water pail, she realized the walk was simply too dangerous at the moment. She needed time. She wouldn't risk the trip for either of them - she would just have to wait until Inez arrived with lunch.

_Chris was right,_ she mused dejectedly.

They had argued before he left three days ago, perhaps the worst they ever had. He wanted her to find someone to take over _The Clarion_. She flatly refused, stating she couldn't believe anyone could do a satisfactory job, even if only temporarily. His uncharacteristic temper flared and rather than implore or ask her as he had done before it came out as a command. She reacted as if he had slapped her. She made it clear she couldn't believe he would tell her to do such a thing. That he knew how important the newspaper was to her. Trying to keep his voice level, he countered that he didn't want her trying to keep up with the work. But what irked her most was what he said next - that she _couldn't_ keep up with it.

He should have known better, as it only lit a fire in her determination to prove him wrong. She charged out of the kitchen, speechless with vehemence and did not speak to him for the rest of the night, even when he came to bed.

But in spite of the tension that resonated throughout that night and in spite of their disagreement, when they said goodbye the next morning there was no doubt in her mind that there was anything but genuine love between them.

They stood on the porch of the homestead as she hugged a shawl to her chest to ward off the chill of the early morning frost. She watched as Billy helped his surrogate father cinch the last of his stallion's saddle bags and offered him a pack of jerky for the road. Billy was never liked it when Chris left, which was evident by the way the boy hugged the gunslinger goodbye. As Chris stood up and glanced at Mary, he encouraged Billy to give parting words of encouragement to his horse before they left. As Billy dutifully scampered off Chris returned his attention to Mary, stepping back onto the porch. Wordlessly, he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. Recognizing the mixture of despondency and sincerity, she did not pull away.

"I'm sorry, Mary. I want you to be safe," he murmured into her golden hair as they embraced farewell.

"I'll be careful."

"You swear?" He pulled away and looked at her directly in the eye.

"I swear, yes." She found it ironic that he was the one leaving for another dangerous journey yet was imploring her to be cautious.

"If anything happened to you, either of you…"

"I know." She didn't need any more explanation. "Hurry back, Chris."

She tilted her head up to look at him and was met by the most stunning gaze she had ever seen. It reaffirmed in her mind there was no other man she would rather be married to in spite of their imperfect relationship. Their goodbye kiss promised a passionate reunion, while speaking volumes of their genuine love for one another. It lingered on her lips long after the mists of the morning shrouded his retreating form and she ushered Billy back to the warmth inside.

Blinking back to reality, Mary found herself sitting in _The Clarion_. She sighed. It wasn't even noon yet and she was already getting lost in her thoughts concerning a very familiar subject. It was almost a year to date since their wedding – though almost unbelievably so. It had taken them over four years of friendship to get that point. And even during their friendship every time he left she looked forward to the moment when she saw him again.

Of course she knew the nature of his work and what she was getting into. Still, she didn't like it when that work took him away from her. _Especially_ _now_, she lamented silently as she placed a hand on her swollen abdomen.

Seven months in she thought she would be well readjusted to pregnancy. But this one was much different than Billy's. Back then Stephen had primarily run the newspaper, now she relied on only herself to do it. She was rediscovering her limits, much to Chris' concern, and testing what she could and couldn't do.

Nevertheless she was thrilled to be having another child growing inside of her. It made her smile to think of all the love this baby would receive from its six uncles. And though she prided herself on being independent, it didn't hurt to have six men just as attentive as her husband while she was with child. Both Josiah and Buck had been naturals around her these past months but she had never seen Ezra more awkwardly eager to please than before. It always made her laugh.

Shaking her head with amusement and feeling a new sense of vigor, Mary sighed. She might as well get some water in the back room to refresh herself and try to get a little more work done. Surely a drink would make her feel better. _I can do this. I'm strong enough._ Using the table again, she hoisted herself to her feet and slowly made her way to the tiny hallway. Just as she had penetrated deep enough to be out of site in the main room she heard the door open.

Cursing silently, she stopped. She didn't enjoy people coming in and seeing her in her current state. In the West it was not uncommon for women to be out in public throughout their pregnancy but Mary didn't revel in the necessity. Slowly turning to greet her patron, she walked back out to the main room, pasting a smile on her face and hoping whoever it was would leave quickly.

"Hello," she greeted, seeing a dark haired woman with her back to Mary. Immediately, she could tell the woman was not only wealthy but attractive. Her dress was a far cry from the usual calico most women in Four Corners wore. The silk and layers of fabric must have come from Europe. Her hair was glossy and straight – the woman could clearly afford to keep up her appearance. She seemed to be intensely examining the room, visually appraising the walls, the floor, even the windows as if she was judging every inch of the space.

Eager to take care of the woman's needs and then attend to her own, Mary pressed her lightly. "May I help you?" Mary's question jarred the woman out of whatever introspection she was lost in. Slowly the woman turned and Mary's heart nearly stopped beating. She knew that face.

"Hello," the woman replied coolly. While there was no indication of recognition on her part Mary's heartbeat began to race with dread.

"May I help you?" Mary repeated, eyeing the door, looking for a possible getaway. But the woman stood squarely in her way, she would not be able to move fast enough to make an escape.

"Only if you can tell me," Ella Gaines began reaching into her purse, "Why you ever thought it was a good idea to get within ten feet of Chris Larabee." Mary's body went cold as Ella pulled out a derringer.

"I don't discuss personal matters with my patrons." She tried to stand a little taller. "And I don't allow patrons to bring firearms inside. Please step outside with that." Ella gave her a look, quirking her eyebrows in hostility.

"Don't play games with me." She laughed without humor, briefly throwing her head towards the ceiling. "I could have had his children." She continued with a disquieting serenity, "He loved me long before you seduced him and he still loves me more than you'll ever know. He's just forgotten." Her voice was rising.

Alarms went off in Mary's head.

"How did you do it?" She railed on. "How did you make him give you this?" She gestured to Mary's stomach. "Did you corner him one night after he was at the saloon? Did you _repay_ him for helping your precious town?" She sneered. "No matter how good it felt I can tell you he gave it to me ten times harder."

The anger building within Mary threatened to unleash itself from this recent indignation, in spite of the current danger she was in. But she kept her head level. "You've made enough inappropriate insinuations regarding my husband. Please leave."

"Don't call him your husband as if that means something!" Ella growled, stepping closer. "You have no claim to him. He doesn't love you like he loves me, no matter what is inside of you. You roped him into all of this. You tricked him! You're no better than a ten-cent whore."

"He was never yours. No matter what delusions you use to convince yourself otherwise. Get out of my office." As soon as the words left Mary's mouth, she regretted them. The look in Ella's eyes was terrifying.

Ella Gaines smiled wickedly as she raised the gun to shoot. "You took him from me, you bitch. And now I'll make you pay."

* * *

><p>Mary Travis walked along the boardwalk, admiring the late spring day and smiling at each of her customers as she handed out copies of <em>The Clarion<em>. She was making her way to the jail to give copies to the seven men and catch up on any news to pass along to the judge.

But she had another reason for smiling. It was Thursday and Billy was going to arrive that afternoon from his time away at his grandparents' home. Moreover, Chris promised to come eat with them this evening and she had quite the meal in mind. She had last been alone with him two days ago in the church where they had shared more than one kiss. Since then they had passed in the street, shared brief conversations in public but nothing that satisfied Mary. Their insignificant encounters only left her wanting more.

But as she came closer to the jail her senses livened. All seven men were saddling up to leave. Something must have come up. _I hope it's nothing too dangerous._ She easily recognized Chris, facing the street and dusting off his black hat. She picked up the pace, eager to speak to him before they rode off.

"Any idea how long you'll be gone?" She asked as she approached him. He looked up.

"Just a day or two," he smiled reassuringly. "It'll be fine." Mary nodded slowly, wondering why he gave no indication as to where they were going but asked no more questions. A woman came from behind them to stand between Chris and her. Mary immediately noticed her extravagant outfit and the strong perfume that announced her presence.

Seeing Mary's reaction the woman replied, "I'll have them back in no time." Mary leaned away, slightly repulsed by her obvious display of opulence. "Except for _Chris._" Mary balked in disgust at her lascivious tone. The woman made no attempt to disguise her hungry stares at the gunman. "Chris, would you like to ride in the carriage? We could reminisce about…old times." Mary couldn't believe it. She looked to Chris with an incredulous look on her face, only to see him unperturbed by the woman's licentious tone. On the contrary, a small, playful smile spread across his face.

Mary immediately turned, walking back up the street towards _The Clarion_. She wanted no more of this. Apparently as soon as an old flame of Chris' had come to town seeking his help and he simply ignored Mary. He made no attempt to let her know he would not be coming by that evening - didn't even bother to tell her all seven would be out town, something he usually had the courtesy to do. If he could throw her to the side to make room for another woman so quickly, Mary was resolved to forget about him too.

* * *

><p>"Ella," Mary said steadily, keeping her wits. "Please, don't."<p>

"Don't?" Ella looked furious. "I didn't get to say 'don't' when you married him."

"Please put down the gun. You can just put down the gun and ride out of town." At Ella's unfazed expression, Mary could feel her confidence begin to slide into terror.

She laughed humorlessly. "Do you know how hard it was for me to get here?" She kept the gun leveled at Mary's chest. "By the time I heard you married Chris you already had this-" she scrunched her nose in repulsion, "thing inside of you. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who will kill a woman who is with child?" She scoffed and shook her head in frustration. "I had to come see it through myself."

The mention of her child made Mary desperate. "Please. My baby hasn't done anything to you. Let my baby live. Put the gun down. Please." Mary's voice audibly cracked with stress.

"That _thing_ is taking him away from me, you bitch!" She lowered the gun to Mary's abdomen. "I should shoot it first so you can feel it die inside of you."

A sob of terror escaped Mary's mouth as Ella threatened her unborn baby with the gun. Instinctively her arms wrapped around her bulge, as if it was a last effort to save her child. She felt helpless, knowing she wouldn't be able to attack Ella or move quick enough to escape the gun's aim.

"Ella, please." Mary didn't realize she was crying until hot tears flowed down her cheeks. She continued the frenzied begging, hoping she could reach some core in Ella to stop her worst nightmare from coming true.

Ella raised her chin defiantly. "You disgust me."

Mary heard nothing but an unintelligible thunderous noise. She closed her eyes, too terrified to look down and see her fears realized.

* * *

><p>As she walked into <em>The<em> _Clarion_ and closed the door behind her, Mary's heart was heavy. Rather than the recent indignation she felt towards Chris she now sorrowfully wished things were different. Perhaps it was because he came back to town with a bullet in his side that her compassionate nature awakened. But the picture she just saw of Ella and him cast her back into a melancholy she had never known before. A thousand images of what exactly Chris had done while enjoying Ella's company ran through her head. She had looked at him regretfully, waiting for an explanation, an apology, something. But when no response was _his_ response she turned away and went inside, wilted and exhausted from the emotions laboring her body.

She crossed her arms, her back to the entrance as she stared at a wall, noting how dark the room had become in the late afternoon. _I've been such a fool._

Vaguely she heard the door open slowly. "Mary." She turned to see Chris, still wrapped in a blanket, enter _The_ _Clarion's_ door and shuffle inside. It was obvious the effort was painful.

"You shouldn't be standing." She hurried across the room and put an arm around him, encouraging him to lean on her. They wordlessly limped over to a bench against the wall. He sat slowly, grimacing with the exertion. "I'm sorry." It was clear from his expression the apology was about more than his inability to walk.

She crossed her arms over her chest, glancing out window then at the floor before she faced him. "It's not my business what you do in your spare time." Her face was as stone cold as it had been on the boardwalk.

"Being with Ella was fun," he emphasized the last word, "but it wasn't right. It was like living in a haze. Nothing was real." He shook his head, breaking their gaze. "Maybe I needed that. To get away." A clench gripped Mary's heart. "I needed a little paradise. But it all caught up to me real quick. She's nothing more than a snake." He paused, looking back up at her. "But I don't want all of this to get in the way." He reached out and took her warm hand in his. "I don't want to start over." Mary wanted to feel relief at his words and his touch but she was anything but placated.

"That would be nice for both of us, Chris. But truthfully I can't imagine starting up again after all this." She said her next words slowly, with importance. "You hurt me. You threw me aside while you went chasing after something from your past. How do I know you won't do it again?" She shook her head. "You passed me by so quickly for something else that now I don't know if I can trust you." She retracted her hand from his.

"What's it gonna take?"

"Until I know that you really care about me." She paused, shifting her weight. "Until I know you're not fickle. I've been forgiving in the past but I don't have time for this anymore."

"Mary, you should know that everything that's happened showed me how much I l-"

"Don't," she interrupted impatiently. "Either you don't mean it or you're saying it in desperation. Either way I don't wait to hear it right now." She turned away from him. "Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do."

* * *

><p>Mary's eyes closed involuntarily, expecting to feel pain succumb her entire body. But when she opened them after less than a second, she saw Ella clutching her bloody arm in disbelief and facing the window. A large rock rolled away from her, having just come through the front glass.<p>

"Argh!" She wailed.

The front door was nearly ripped off the hinges in an instant as Inez came barreling through and threw herself at Ella. Both women fell to the floor, wrestling the other for the gun. Mary felt powerless as she knew her condition would make her more of a hindrance if she intervened. Inez shouted curses at the woman, finally untangling the derringer from Ella's grip. Inez jumped to her feet, pointing the gun at Ella, eyes wild with rage and teeth bared as Buck and Nathan ran up to the door, guns drawn.

"Inez?" Buck voiced their confusion, looking between the Mexican woman and Ella. Then realizing the gravity of the situation, he looked up frantically for Mary. Upon seeing her, his face eased in relief, though only slightly.

"Mary? Are you alright?" Nathan side stepped around Ella and came next to Mary, appraising her with his eyes.

"I think so." She knew it sounded foolish but right now she was uncertain of everything. She was still processing what had taken place in the last minute. She looked at herself, checking for any apparent wounds.

"What the hell happened?" Buck demanded. Ella looked to her arm, pulling bloody shards of glass from the deep gash above her elbow.

Inez didn't take her eyes of Ella or raise her gun. "I came to bring Mary some tamales and saw this she-devil through the window." She tilted her head to the side, then briefly glanced at Buck. "She was pointing this gun at Mary."

Had she not known the man for years, Mary wouldn't know that Buck was fighting to keep himself calm. He looked at Ella as if he was looking at the Devil himself. His stare reeked of disgust. Regaining control of his role, Buck briefly looked around the room before her stepped next to Inez.

He put a hand on Inez's outstretched arm, lowering it. "We got it from here." Buck looked at Nathan, silently communicating with his lips pressed together and a tight nod, then addressed the woman on the floor. "Get up, Ella," he commanded. She slowly relented, stepping to her feet with a scowl on her face. Noting her inclination to make things difficult, Nathan added, "You should know we both got guns and ain't afraid to use them on a lady... If I can even call you that." Buck motioned for her to step out the door, heading towards the jail.

"I should have had all you men killed when I had you under my roof," Ella spat. The sound of her voice struck some chord inside Mary and she immediately felt vulnerable again. She wound her arms around her abdomen, intuitively protecting her child from the perceived threat.

"Mary?" Mary looked at Nathan, framed by _The Clarion_'s door. He was about to step back outside behind Ella but had stopped. "You mind coming by? I want to take a better look at you so we make sure everything is okay." Mary nodded and Nathan stepped outside, headed to the jail with Ella.

Mary heaved a sigh and briefly covered her face with her hands, as if to wipe away the panic that still ran wild in her chest. She turned to her friend, lowering her hands. "Thank you, Inez." In an uncommon moment of tenderness, Inez walked up to Mary and put her arms around her, rubbing her back affectionately. "Thank God you're safe."

"Thank God you came." They stepped back from each other.

"If you and the little one had been hurt, none of us would be able to forgive ourselves." She exhaled deeply. "I don't know what would have happened to Chris."

The idea of her husband mourning another dead wife and child whirled in Mary's head. She knew it would crush him and the notion sent a wave of depression through her. "I can't imagine it."

"Can I get you something? Do you want to sit down?"

"No, thank you. I should go see Nathan. If I need to take care of anything for the baby, I want to do it now." She touched her hair and looked down at her appearance, making sure it was still in place before she walked out in public. "Could you do something for me, Inez?"

"Of course."

"Will you go ask Gloria to watch Billy this afternoon? School should be out soon. But I don't want him to see this." She looked around the room at the shattered window and broken glass. For a moment she thought she would burst into tears but she regained herself.

"You don't want me to walk you to the jail?"

Mary's characteristic independence resurfaced. "No thank you, I'll be fine."

Inez regarded her warily, as if she doubted Mary's ability to take care of herself at the moment. She finally nodded in a way that told Mary she was convincing herself Mary would be fine. "Ok, I'll go find Gloria. But if you need anything else," She put a hand on Mary's arm and looked at her deliberately, "all you need to do is ask."

"I appreciate it." Inez smiled briefly and turned, walking out of _The Clarion_.

In her new found solitude, Mary looked around at the mess. She wanted to clean it up, wipe it away and forget about it but she felt compelled to see Nathan immediately. Grabbing her shawl from the coat rack by the door, she wrapped it around her shoulders and tried to cover up her abdomen as much as possible. She carefully stepped over the broken glass, walked out the door and locked it behind her. As she made her way towards the jail she became perhaps the most self- conscious she had ever been. People stared openly. Undoubtedly, they had heard the commotion and peeked into the scene at the newspaper office. Now word was spreading like wildfire. The beautiful, young newspaper editor with child was almost murdered in a crime of passion. Mary tugged her shawl closer around her body and picked up the pace. She didn't like feeling as if she was on display.

Within minutes she reached the jail. She stood outside for a minute, hoping Buck or Nathan might see her and come join her on the boardwalk. Yet neither came. Mary took a deep breath, reminding herself she had nothing to be afraid of. Ella was in their capable hands and Mary was a strong woman. She might have been vulnerable earlier but she would not let Ella get the best of her. Summoning her confidence and tilting her head up, Mary walked inside.

Nathan and Buck leaned over the desk by the cells, speaking in quiet tones. Surprisingly, Ella sat on the bed in the cell quietly, a sour but distinguished look on her face. Upon seeing Mary, Ella did nothing but shift her eyes to meet Mary's. Instantly, Ella's eyes began to smolder like hot coals. Buck and Nathan noticed her entrance too and straightened to stand.

"Mary," Nathan looked between her and Ella. "I didn't think you'd come so soon. I'm sorry, did you look for me at the clinic?"

"No, I figured you'd still be here." She gave her best effort at a reassuring smile. "It's all right. I just want to make sure everything is okay with the baby."

"You go to hell with that demon inside you!" Ella leaped up suddenly, screaming and causing Mary to jump at the sudden noise. Immediately, Nathan stepped in front of her, protectively blocking her from Ella's view.

Buck was at the cell in an instant. "Lord help me, I'll gag you if I have to!" His voice was sparked with fury. "You talk to her again and those will be the last words that come out of your mouth until you get your day in court." His voice was lethal and left no room for doubt.

Nathan turned back around to Mary and began to approach her with soothing, outstretched hands. "Let's get you up to the clinic and we'll have a look." He threw a glance over his shoulder. "Buck, you okay down-"

He stopped and frowned. The sounds of riders coming closer thumped louder with each passing second. Picking up on the noise, Buck stalked his way across the room to the entrance and stood at the door frame with his hands on his belt. As the hoofbeats came closer, Mary could hear laughing just beyond the doorway. Buck watched silently for a minute, presumably as the riders dismounted. She could hear the faint sounds of Vin and Josiah's voice, in a light and teasing manner.

"Howdy, Buck." Mary heard JD say. Buck didn't move from the door or relax his stance. She imagined his face had a grave expression written across it. "Something wrong?"

"Hey Chris," Buck called out, ignoring the question. "Would you come up here?"

"In a minute," Mary heard her husband respond. His voice sounded dismissive and distracted, as if he was walking away. Perhaps he was already headed to _The Clarion_.

"Mary's in here, Chris." He paused. "I need you up here."

It was no more than two seconds that Chris had come up and nearly pushed past Buck into the jail, clearly anxious about what he would find. His eyes didn't have to search long before they landed on her. In three quick strides, he had his hands gently on her shoulders and was looking directly at her, concern bounding over his face.

"Mary," he asked softly, "What-"

"Chris." Her voice sucked the air out of the room and even chilled Mary. Upon hearing her, he tore his look from his wife and threw it on the face of the woman who killed two of the most important people in his world years ago.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Chris' face contorted in a mixture of confusion, disbelief and revulsion.

"I've missed you so much." Ella walked to the edge of her cell, placing her hands on the bars and watching Chris desperately. "I couldn't imagine you forgot about me."

The seething rage boiling over Chris' face was too much for him to conceal. "What the _hell_ happened?" He looked around the room, first at Buck, then at Nathan and last at Mary. When their eyes met she recognized a flicker of realization in his.

"What did she do to you?" His voice was low as if he was struggling to keep it under control.

For a brief instance Mary had the urge to throw herself into his arms and recount the miserable, terrifying scenario that had just played out in _The Clarion_. She wanted him to comfort her as she bared the truth of just how frightened she was, how she thought she would never see Billy or him again and that their child would never have a chance at life. But Mary knew Chris was dangerously close to the edge of absolute fury. She had to watch her words while he was in this precarious situation or he could do something he would regret later.

But Mary hesitated in answering for too long.

Chris dropped his hands from her shoulder, stepping threateningly closer to Ella. "Did you touch her?"

"I need you, Chris. I told you I would never let anything come between us." Ella began to sob.

The world instantly moved. Buck and Vin, who had just come in, were on Chris immediately, restraining him as he tried to lunge for the cell, while spewing a litany of curses at Ella. Nathan was at Mary's side, ushering her out the door and away from the chaos. She walked past Josiah and Ezra who were just entering off the street. They shut the door immediately after she stepped outside with Nathan. It was only once they were on the boardwalk that Mary realized a small group of townspeople had gathered to see what was the noise was. A few of them called her name in questioning tones as they walked by. Mary tightened her grip on Nathan's arm and cast her gaze down. Now was not the time to deal with this. She didn't want this.

"J.D.?" Nathan called behind them, not breaking his stride towards the clinic or his own hold on Mary.

J.D. jogged up alongside them, matching their quickening pace. "What's going on, Nathan? What the hell happened back there?"

"I just need you to wire the Judge right now. Tell him to come as quick as he can. Tell him we got Ella Gaines here for attempted murder."

J.D.'s mouth fell open as he tipped his hat back to amply expose his forehead. Muttering a curse, he quickly turned and started towards the post office.

Nathan and Mary said nothing to each other as they approached the clinic. As they began to scale the stairs, Nathan slowed his pace and gripped her arm a little tighter, silently encouraging her to lean on him. Mary took the stairs in measured steps and made it to the second floor without a problem. Nathan opened the door for her, ushering her inside. Once the door was shut Mary sat down on the examination board as she had done before, though with much more trepidation. Scenes from the morning replayed in her head for what seemed like the hundredth time. Emotions engorged her as if she was reliving the experience all at once. Anxiety took over and without thinking Mary laid her hands on the cusp of her swollen abdomen, heaving a sigh.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Nathan's gentle but concerned tone made her smile, in spite of the wretched way she felt. She looked over to him, certain that her disquiet was spread across her features. "I need to know everything is okay first." He nodded solemnly, pulling out his stethoscope from the desk drawer. He came over to the examination table, put the stethoscope on, and gingerly placed it where her hands had just been.

After a few minutes of concentrated listening, Nathan looked up, smiling.

"Baby's fine as far as I can tell. Heartbeat is still strong." A swell of relief overcame her. "Thank God," she breathed, "Thank you."

Nathan smiled briefly and gave her wrist a gentle squeeze. "Now do you want to-"

He paused as the clinic's door began to open, abruptly standing to attention. Yet as the first black boot stepped inside, both of them knew the newcomer was no threat to either of them. Although Chris looked much less livid than twenty minutes earlier though he was evidently no less concerned.

Upon seeing Nathan, Chris pursed his lips and gave a tight nod of greeting. He pushed back his black hat to fall behind his shoulders.

"Nathan."

"Everything alright down there?"

"As good as it will be." He looked past the healer, his stare meeting that of his wife. His eye contact never wavered even when he spoke. "Everything alright here?"

"You don't have to worry, both of them are fine." Chris' shoulders visibly relaxed.

"I should go see if Buck needs anything." Chris put an arm on Nathan's shoulder as he passed by in a brief display of camaraderie. Once the door closed again, Chris came and sat next to Mary on the examination table. He said nothing but enveloped her in hug, an act of what Mary suspected was relief. She returned it wholeheartedly and noted her own relief that the sorrow and fear she had experienced that morning was now over - at least for the most part.

"You're safe." He said it as if that was all that mattered. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, but squeezed him tighter. Without relinquishing the strength of his hold, Chris brought a hand up to stroke her hair slowly. "Tell me what happened."

She pulled away to look at his face. There had been very few times she ever saw the emotions as clearly written on Chris' face. Only in times when pure and unadulterated feelings would suffice had she ever been able to read his expressions so easily. The first that came to mind was the moment he told her that he loved her. The second was their wedding day. Both instances were a far cry from the horrific tone of today.

She closed her eyes tightly and furrowed her brows, preparing herself to begin.

"I was in _The Clarion_ this morning, just before lunch. I was editing a page I had just printed when I had a little vertigo and needed to sit down. After a moment I got up to get a glass of water. I was halfway down the hallway when I heard the front door open. When I came back into the main room Ella was standing there." Chris' eyes flickered with foreboding but encouraged her to continue.

"I tried to stay calm and asked her if I could help her. But at once she began by asking me why I thought it was a good idea to come into your life and accused me of manipulating you. She became angrier and angrier with me, especially when I asked her to leave. And then she pulled out her gun, pointed it at my chest first, then at the baby. When I begged her to let the baby live, she became incensed. There was no way for me to move around her and escape." Chris protectively put a hand on her abdomen.

"She told me-" Mary paused, trying to push down the lump in her throat that would not go away. "She told me she wanted to shoot the baby so I could feel it die inside of me." For the second time that day, Mary's cheeks became wet with tears. "What kind of person says that, Chris? What kind of person hates an innocent child so much that she would commit murder?" She now clutched his forearm with both hands.

"Inez threw a rock inside the window. She was bringing my lunch and saw Ella threatening me. The glass cut Ella and she dropped the gun long enough for Inez to restrain her. And soon after Nathan and Buck heard the commotion and came running to help." She leaned into him, willing herself to not renew her sobs.

"I've seen evil, but none like Ella Gaines." He stroked her hair again. "I'm sorry, Mary. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you. I should have known she would find her way back here."

Mary's memory snapped to a conversation they had before they married, where Chris was concerned about the ramifications of their marriage and the dangers involving Ella. Mary persisted, almost angrily, that Ella would not be a menacing ghost over their lives. That they owed it to each other and themselves to do what they both wanted. Though now Mary briefly wondered in that moment if she was wrong to declare Ella wouldn't dictate their lives, she calmed herself when she remembered Ella was now locked away.

"She's gone now, Chris. Thank God she's gone." She felt him lower his head to the top of hers and place an affectionate kiss there. Long moments passed before they ended their embrace.

Judge Travis came in a speedy three days and delivered a verdict in an even speedier two. Though encouraged to stay away from the commotion, Mary yet again defied expectations and tradition when she demanded to testify against Ella. The episode created a highly sensational event but ironically there was no _Clarion News_ running at the time to cover it. For all of Mary's testimony, combined with the insurmountable evidence that Ella attempted murder, Ella earned the distinction of being one of the first women to be executed in the territory.

Ella had her day at the gallows on an unseasonably cold spring day. People came from neighboring towns to watch the event, reporters staked out their position hours before to illustrate the best recount of the execution. Neither Chris nor Mary was in attendance. Each had their own reasons for missing the hanging but both felt their time would be better spent far away from the scene, at home and recovering from the hurricane that had been their lives.

* * *

><p>A month later, life had resumed its normal pace – as normal as it would ever be, anyway. Mary had tried to return to <em>The Clarion<em> but it was ultimately her pregnancy that prevented her. Though she felt defeated Chris assured her the decision wasn't a mark of her inability to run a business as a woman, it was a smart decision to protect the well-being of their unborn child.

Chris still left town on occasion in pursuit of criminals, though his six friends prevented it more as the end of Mary's pregnancy rapidly approached. Soon she was unable to leave their homestead without great effort and Chris elected to stay home with her. Billy became a surprising help to his mother as she tired quickly and couldn't complete as many of her chores. Billy valiantly stepped in to help, much to Chris' praise and occasional reminder when the boy wasn't feeling so motivated to keep working. It seemed like the three of them developed a routine but just as they steadily fell into it things changed.

In the middle of the night, Chris woke with a start to sounds of his wife crying in pain. They were soft, but persistent, as if she was trying to hold it in. He sat up in a start, reaching his hand across the bed and searching for her in the blackness. When his eyes adjusted, he saw her clutching her abdomen, leaning over in clear discomfort.

"Chris," she gasped in certain pain, "Get ready."

Within hours, the midwife had been brought and a new baby had been delivered. Chris waited outside the bedroom with Billy, in discomfort at the sounds of his wife's agony. When the sounds of a crying baby surfaced and the midwife shortly thereafter came out, Billy nearly pounced inside the bedroom. Collecting himself, Chris smoothly walked in to find Mary dressed in her nightgown and holding their daughter in swaddling clothes, Billy leaning over to watch his new sister. Mary was enraptured in the baby's sleepy face, cooing her to sleep. Chris watched the scene before him in stunned silence, not daring to take another step for fear that it would shatter his living dream. After a moment, Mary looked up, a serene and blissful expression on her face. Her loving eyes beckoned him closer.

"Won't you come meet your daughter?"

And in that moment, everything fell into place and Chris wanted nothing more than what lay before him.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed - it has meant so much more than I can say. I apologize for the delay in getting this to you - to say life has been an emotional whirlwind in the last 7 months would be a severe understatement. It's left me without much motivation to write, and combined with starting graduate school in 2 months, I don't know when I will feel like writing again. That all is to say I truly appreciate your kind words and feedback - I enjoyed taking this jaunt back to Four Corners with you.<strong>


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